RE Slater - Personal Update

https://www.maryfreebed.com/

To my readers,

Hello,

I've had a bit of a setback this month and last. Though I was productive through the month of February I was undergoing at the same time a very difficult foot-and-ankle infectious pain due to a surgical infection inhabiting those spaces over the past nine years at my first surgery.

Though I have had ups-and-downs over the past nine years these past several weeks have become unbearable from February through mid-April. I've experienced more pain than I could humanly endure. Consequently, I decided to go with another healthcare provider and all that they offered, including a new doctor, who could give to me counsel and direction. Which he did and who I was fortunate to find.

Basically, I knew I could no longer save my foot-and-ankle without risking internal organ damage because of PICC lines to be placed into my heart and all the heavy medication required to get me healthy again. This would not be an avenue I wished to revisit having had this done several times in the past.

So with my spouse attending my appointments with me, we have decided to lose the foot-and-ankle limb by having it removed.

This was done a week ago.

The healthcare system I switched to also offered an amazing rehabilitation center for amputees and people struggling with various disabilities. So once losing the foot-and-ankle my health issues have disappeared... although I have now traded a new set of health circumstances in recovering from a lost limb and learning to be self-caretaking for the next two months.

Mary Free Bed Rehabilitation Hospital

Restoring Hope and Freedom

After staying 3.5 days in surgical care I was then transferred to the disability center wherein I was able to graduate rapidly into self-care at home over a period of 4.5 days. This means I came home yesterday to struggle with residual pain and self-management issues. To help with any offsets, the rehabilitation center I had stayed in is providing "At-Home" nursing care, OT, PT, and nursing aides as needed.

So, as of yesterday, it has been one week since my radical surgery and recovery. I am at home presently working towards better health. This means in two months my half-leg should be healed and I will be able to be fitted with several foot-and-ankle prosthetics. Which also means I will be re-enrolled as an outpatient two or three days a week to learn how to walk again.

By mid-July of 2024, and after four months from first to last, I should be fully mobile with only ensuing health checkups over the next year or two.

And as I can, I will return to this website soon to work out what process philosophy, theology, process sciences, and all other disciplines and human pursuits might look like when using Whitehead's "philosophy of a living organism" (e.g., the universe; the earth; and ourselves as evolving processual entities).

Till then, use all the resources here to begin your own processual journey. Please pass along suggestions, needs, and ideas in the comment section.

To comment you have to be part of Google's membership which is free. When I see the comments - and if they are appropriate to the content - I will post them. If not, I will delete them. If users wish to speak to one another I can adjust my site to allow for conversation but discourage any frivolous comments or weblinks not pertinent to the subject matter.

Blessings,

R.E. Slater

April 19, 2024

Rel22 and Personal Updates + the Continuation of Our Existentialism Series

Rel22 Website Update

by R.E. Slater

A month ago I began a series of articles on Process-based (Processual) Christian existentialism using Whitehead's process philosophy as versus psychological existentialism built upon non-process-based philosophies. Each will give meaning to us in their own way... although as a Christian/religious person my own meaning will derive from a theological framework as versus the nonreligious existentialist who may be agnostic to religion or completely atheistic to it.

Further below you will find the series I was developing before becoming slowed down by this year's foot-and-ankle surgeries. Thankfully, though I slowed down a little bit, I have been fortunate enough to work at document production between energy slumps and pain medications.

Lately, I've been catching up the Relevancy22 website covering this past summer's current events which I had missed. I've also have provided a shorten process series re Segall, Davis, Whitehead, and Cobb, among others.

However, this isn't necessarily bad as playing catch-up to missed series allows us to take these series in all-at-once. Whether in my undergrad or graduate studies, I tended to read and study my classroom projects in "batches" as versus chapter-by-chapter. By doing so I could see and understand the bigger picture rather than absorbing the minutiae of data segmented between subject material.

With the advent of livestream cable I can now do the same with Cable TV series and Internet streams... I can watch and think through series all-at-once rather than piecemeal a week at a time. Perhaps it's age but I think it makes things easier to remember and understand.

---

My Health Update

by R.E. Slater

Pictures of Nursing (3X / wk) and festering foot infections

which have required several surgeries this past summer and fall...

What Open Wounds Look Like Before

and After Using a Wound Pump

April through August 2023

Resting Up After Prosthetic Removal

& Cleanout Surgery

September 2023

My latest surgeries have gone well. What started out as "maintenance surgeries" later become "removal and fusion surgeries". Through the summer my surgical infections from January 2016 never left and never got better. At first they did... but it took three long years. But they never went away. So after eight years of up-and-down health limitations I finally gave in to reality in September of this year.

Looking at my foot I was nursing three open wounds with several more rising to the surface... my management of wounds had come to an end. I called the doc, saw him a day later, and we planned a surgery for the first Monday of the next week. The infections were spreading and he-and-I both wanted the prosthetic gear out of my body post-haste.

And so, the motility device is gone as I use this fall and coming winter seasons to place life "on hold" to heal up and get better. My last recourse was an amputation but at least up to this point I've not had to consider this (excepting, of course, the discovery of Boston's Mass General where a MIT specialist removes limbs in such a way as to decrease phantom pain nearly to zero).

At present, the infected prosthetic is out of my body and it is responding very well to the drugs and healing. My ongoing fight with health issues may become a thing of the past but my real I had ever been to keep the motility device in my foot. This is not to be as there is a 35% risk of becoming re-infected with a replacement device.

So after this summer's cleanout surgeries in April (#1) and August (#2) along with a long, long, long losing battle with the several infections still ravaging my body, I finally agreed with Infectious Disease and my Orthopaedist to a series of "rebuilds" starting with (#3) the full removal of the foot and ankle prosthetic which includes a surgical cleanout  and the placement of an antiseptic cement ball into the empty space.

What came out - Internal Motility Prosthetic

September 2023

My Condition Presently between Surgeries

Nov 2023

the aftermath of a bloody surgical wound being cleaned up  in the med office

I bought two inexpensive knee walkers to get around the house

the splint behind the knee required a rag stuffed
behind it to relieve the chaffing going on

Structural Gear to be Implanted:

a Titanium ball socket with foot fusion

January 2024

refer to:

Powder metallurgy with space holder for porous titanium implants: A review

Then (#4) a fourth surgery with another reopening of the ankle area this past November with the main ankle-bone's partial removal + another cleanout + placement of yet another antiseptic cement ball into the open space.

And finally, sometime this coming January of 2024, a (#5) fifth and final surgery removing (and reuse of sic, cannibalizing of) the remaining anklebone + cleanout + the placement of a custom-built titanium structural device into the fully emptied area + the fusion of the ankle to the foot. This would complete all surgeries unless infections arise again.

Overall, the series of procedures which I've been dreading has gone better than I had thought. Considering all the many years of competitive sports I played it could've been a lot worse. This problem here was related to a fall I had down a mountain at 14 years of age where I had to stick my foot into a crevice lest I fall off the cliff which was fast coming up.

Since my father didn't "believe in" modern medicine at the time I've played sports all my life on a partially injured foot which lately was turning upwards. I had had an early total knee surgery many years earlier with no problem so the foot surgery in 2016 I wasn't concerned about. However, infection rates run 4-6% in modern hospitals and I was one of the unlucky patients to experience it.

All-in-all this medical health year has gone well... it has required a lot of patience and pain management. Further, the antibiotic drugs left me fatigued with stomach v.  nausea after-affects. I also had to undergo several iron-therapy infusions to offset the fatigue I was experiencing as my iron levels had dropped quite low.

But thankfully, I've never gotten any of the Covid variants my friends and family were getting even though I've had times where I felt like I may have contacted the mutating virus. In the area I live there are a lot of Trumpian republicans who adamantly refuse to wear a mask to protect me and others... and who also refuse to take their Covid shots... thus complicating our region's health factors along with my own lower resistances to Covid.

And yet, both my spouse and I have not been infected and have diligently kept up our vaccine shots so that this past July I got my sixth "bivalent shot" (re Covid-19's 4.0 and 5.0 variants), along with a pneumonia shot for older people and a season flu shot. Later, this coming January-February of next year I will receive a seventh  vaccine shot (for BA2.75 + EBB 1.50 mutations). As I tell my church friends, I "glow in the dark" in the evening! :) 

All for now,

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

and remember our friends and strangers in Palestine, Gaza, Israel,

the Ukraine, Russian, and all the Migrating families from

South and Central America needing God's grace and help.

by R.E. Slater

December 18, 2023

Michigan in December

* * * * * * *

SARS-CoV-2 and COVID-19

Charts and Data Information

Mapping the evolutionary profile of SARS-CoV-2
and COVID-19 using mutation order approach

SARS-CoV-2 variant biology: immune escape, transmission and fitness

Virus Mutations Reveal How COVID-19 Really Spread

* * * * * * *

Forthcoming Existentialism Series

Let's Talk About Process Theology vs Universalism

The Processual Complex Memory of the Universe Is Significant for Cosmic Life

R.E. Slater & ChatGPT - The Purpose & Meaning of Life for a Christian Eugelion, Part 1

What Gives Life Meaning, Part 2 - unfinished

Christian Existentialism, Part 3 - unfinished

More on Christian Existentialism, Part 4 - unfinished

Existentialism in Education: Themes, Philosophers, Pros and Cons

Of Giving of One's Self through Dance

'How Generous Are You Willing To Be?' A Dance Teaching Story

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jesua/how-generous-are-you-will_b_6441146.html

by Jesua, healer, mentor, writer, mother

January 12, 2015

When I was 20 years old, a junior at Sarah Lawrence College in New York, I made an incredibly brave choice. I decided to dedicate one third of my college curriculum to the studying of modern dance.

Prior to that point I had been studying psychology, philosophy, writing and religion, as well as the visual arts. But the summer after my sophomore year I had a near-death experience, spanning several months, suddenly finding myself bizarrely ill, drastically losing weight, finally, after collapsing in fever, discovering a huge tumor the size of a cantaloupe swelling rapidly with blood inside my spleen. And so, after maneuvering and surviving three surgeries, having negotiated with angels and revisited all my life contracts, I was, needless to say, irrevocably transformed.

After taking a semester off for healing, I returned to college in January for my junior year and somehow knew that if I was going to successfully remain free of disease, I would need to fully and completely incarnate. I would need to actually inhabit this body I was living in, not just drag it around, loosely tethered to my spirit. And so, I decided, with huge trepidation and terror, to dance.

It was an especially courageous choice not only because I had never danced before, but because I still actively lived with mostly invisible neurological "damage" from my waist down, as the bi-product of childhood meningitis, had worn leg braces as a child, and did not have access to "normal" mind-leg control.

I had healed to the extent that hardly anyone (besides my mother, maybe) would notice I still slightly dragged my left foot. But in a dance class, requiring complex coordination and balance, my physical limitations would be horribly exposed.

And so they were, and so it was: immensely, painfully humbling. How many times did we, the students, line up, one by one, to dance across the floor? And how many times, come my turn, did I trip and fall, and then feel the others turn away aghast, in excruciating embarrassment on my behalf? Plenty of times, I'll tell you.

There were days I simply couldn't face the challenge, and pretended I was sick. There were days I sat on the sidelines, fuming with grief and envy that I couldn't move with the grace and fluidity and ease of neurological connection my classmates could seemingly take for granted.

And yet slowly, slowly, I learned to dance. Neurological pathways literally opened, healed and came to life in my lower body. Muscles developed. I cultivated my mid-line, learned to celebrate gravity, learned to enjoy the power and thrust and pleasure of movement. My spirit dove all the way down into my pelvis, my legs, my feet. My life-force came IN.

There were moments I actually tasted physical ecstasy for the first time, true surrender to life. There were moments I discovered, firsthand, what it was to be danced.

Then, one day, in the middle of morning warm-ups, moving through a simple routine to the comforting familiarity of the live piano player's warm-up melody, suddenly my dance teacher waved to the piano player to stop playing. The room was silent and all the students stopped dancing.

A tiny woman with a huge voice and presence, our teacher approached me slowly in her petite, graceful, chiseled body, with hungry, angry ferocity shining in her eyes like a panther about to pounce.

Then, in front of the entire class, she yelled at me, scolding me, with so much intense love and conviction and passion I have perhaps never recovered since.

She said: "Look at you, shame on you! Holding these long, beautiful limbs so close, so tight to your sides? Look at you!?"

Then she got in my face: "How generous are you willing to be? How generous are you willing to be with your whole life? Will you share yourself with us? With the world? Do you dare? Or are you just going to hold yourself tightly in, hold these long arms and legs all to yourself?

"Are you just going to be stingy? Just keep yourself to yourself for the rest of your life? In case you fall? In case you fail? In case you make a fool of yourself? In case we see how imperfect you are?

"OR: are you going to choose to just be generous anyway? To just take up as much space as you actually take up? To be as big, as graceful, as long, as gorgeous, as enormous as you actually are?"

She stopped, out of breath from her spontaneous explosion, and stood there, staring up at me, tears of wisdom's fierce love glistening in her eyes. Stunned tears came to my eyes as well, and I met her gaze, with what must have been the light of humbled gratitude.

If I had known how to bow then, I would have bowed. I would have fallen to my knees and kissed her feet. But instead I just stood there, meeting her gaze, shaking, knowing I had been given a tremendous teaching, a true gift.

That was one of those life-changing moments: in my dance, in my heart, in my life. Bless her heart, such a true teacher, a true life-midwife. She awakened in me something that was sleeping still; in fear, in laziness, in reluctance to actually embodying my imperfect body, in resistance to taking up as much space in this lifetime as I was here to take up.

Her words come back for me now, 20 years later, as I continuously summon the courage for leaps and bounds and surrender of a different nature. Her words are a soothing balm, an affirmation, a blessing: "How generous are you willing to be? Will you share yourself? Do you dare? Or are you just going to be stingy? In case you fall? In case you fail? How generous are you willing to be with your whole life?"

True generosity can look as many ways as there are individual moments to live. It is not necessarily a grand or public gesture of exposure. It could be as simple as your own hand tenderly touching your own face. It could be a deep breath. It could be the generosity of forgiveness, or self-forgiveness. It could be a smile. Or the simple word "yes." We always know, deep inside, what the choice of generosity could look like for us, in any given moment. Generosity of presence, of honesty, of kindness, of trust, of love, of truth.

Just imagine her fierce eyes of immense love, my friend, glaring at you like a hungry predator, saying: "How generous? How generous?" and just feel how it inspires you to open your heart, spread your wings, and live and love and dance and be danced with what remains of this fleeting life.

I dare you. I meet you here in this generosity. With all my being, I meet you.

15 Things That Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do

by Paul Hudson in Wellness

February 3, 2014

Source Link

There is a particular aspect of mental strength that is the deciding factor of whether or not you will have a good life. There are many levels to mental strength and all are needed to be successful and happy. The one particular area of mental strength that has the greatest impact is that of emotional strength.

Emotions are, of course, a part of our psyche, yet nevertheless, can be distinguished from the remainder of mental qualities because they most directly influence our physical body. They affect the way our body functions and they drive every single one of our actions. Without emotion, we would have no reason to act, to do anything with ourselves.

Emotions are our greatest motivators. Unfortunately, they can motivate us to act in any direction, even the wrong one. For this reason, emotional strength is essential. There are countless situations that emotionally strong people avoid and many actions they never take. Here are 15 of them:

1. They Don’t Beg For Attention

Needing attention is directly linked to emotion. Those who feel the need for recognition only find themselves experiencing feelings of worth when others make them feel needed; it’s as if these people are uncertain of their value, or if they have any ounce of self-worth. Feeling unsure of your worth is a self-fulfilling prophecy; if you don’t know you matter, then no one will ever believe you do.

2. They Don’t Allow Others To Bring Them Down

Emotional strength requires resilience. This world is filled with haters and trolls. There are jealous eyes lurking around every corner. The unfortunate truth is that often the people who hold us back the most are those closest to us. Getting rid of these people is often the best solution, but also the most difficult. If you can quietly remove these people from your life, that’s one fewer bridge burned and much less of an emotional trigger.

3. They Don’t Hold Grudges

If you’re holding a grudge, then you already care more about a situation than you should. If a person apologizes genuinely, forgive him or her. If this person doesn’t apologize, then don’t interact with him or her, but don’t hold grudges. People with whom you seek to alienate and hold grudges against take up too much of your mental energy, doing more harm than good.

4. They Never Stop Doing Their Own Thing

Emotionally strong individuals do what they do because they love doing it. They don’t plan on slowing down or stopping for anyone who deems their happiness inappropriate.

5. They Never Stop Believing In Themselves

Those who love themselves and understand themselves — those who aren’t afraid or proud to be themselves — never doubt themselves. You amount to your own self-worth, not a shilling more.

6. They Don’t Act Like Bitches Or Assh*les

People are mean. But we wonder, why? Being a jerk is only good as an intimidation factor, and if you’re trying to intimidate people, then you better be a negotiator by profession; if you’re intimidating just for the sake of it, you’re obviously overcompensating for a lack of confidence. Do you also drive a very large automobile, perhaps? I hear they make pills for that.

7. They Know Better Than To Let Just Anyone Into Their Lives

The emotionally strong are emotionally strong for a reason: They don’t expose themselves to people who break down their defenses and crush their morale. Most people in the world are lost and will be more than happy to take you along with them. Don’t let an awful acquaintance ruin your happiness.

8. They Aren’t Afraid To Love

If you’re afraid to love, you don’t have enough confidence in yourself. You obviously think you can’t be in a lasting relationship, but only in one that is doomed for disaster. You don’t want to get hurt again because getting hurt really sucks. There is no reason for you to get your heart broken again because you are awesome. If things don’t work out, it’s not you. It’s the two of you together. Unless, of course, you are an awful human being; in that case, it is you.

9. They Don’t Lie In Bed Dreading The Day Ahead Of Them

The best part of your day should be the moment you wake up and realize you’re still alive. We take life for granted too regularly.

10. They’re Not Afraid Of Slowing Down

Emotionally strong people aren’t in need of constant action and excitement. They don’t need to run around all day and keep moving in order to avoid their demons. They appreciate a slow moment because it brings them closer to what it feels like to do nothing but living, breathing. This is not to say that they don’t enjoy excitement in their lives, but they aren’t junkies and are more than happy to just go for a walk and smell the roses.

11. They Don’t Do Things They Don’t Want To Do

We all do things that we don’t love to do, but we should never do things that we don’t want to do. The emotionally strong understand that and almost always manage to figure out a way to focus on what they love, which allows them to figure out what they need to do, in order to do what they love. Although they may not love every second of it, they like doing what they are doing because it’s bringing them one step closer to what they would love to do.

12. They Have No Problem Saying “No”

If you can’t say “no,” you will get abused. You’ll be considered a pushover and no one will ever ask you for your opinion or take it seriously when you give it. Saying “no” reminds people that they don’t have control over you.

13. They Don’t “Forget” To Give Back

We’re not too busy or too poor to donate our money and/or time. We don’t forget, either. Some people just choose to ignore our responsibilities as human beings. The stronger you are emotionally, the more you come to appreciate others and life itself. You give life more worth and you begin to empathize with those who were dealt a bad hand.

14. They Don’t Feel The Need To Fit In

The stronger you are emotionally, the more independent you become. You don’t feel the need to fit in because you fit in where it matters: the world. People form smaller social groups that are often skewed and unhealthy. Wanting to fit in doesn’t say much more than “I’m afraid to be myself.”

15. They Don’t Forget That Happiness Is A Decision

Most importantly, the emotionally strong have learned to understand the power their brains have over both the mind and body. They understand that emotions are reactions, not reactions to direct physical causes, but to the way we perceive those causes. In other words, our emotions don’t reflect reality; rather, our emotions reflect the way we interpret reality. Understanding this gives us near-full control of our emotions and, therefore, our lives.

Ed Dobson - What He Has to Say About His Life-Threatening Illness Will Shake You to Your Core

Ed Dobson | ALS 

Ed Dobson preaching | 2011

Pastor Ed Dobson Is Facing A Life-Threatening Illness.

But What He Has To Say About It Will Shake Your Core

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/05/ed-dobson-inspiring-words_n_4537527.html

Ed Dobson is the Pastor emeritus, Calvary Church, Grand Rapids, MI

January 5, 2014 (updated January 23, 2014)

If Ed Dobson had given up on his life 13 years ago, he'd have missed walking his daughter down the aisle. He wouldn't have met his grandchildren. His story would have gone untold.

But he didn't give up. Instead, he's chosen to share his story to inspire others.

The 64-year-old pastor from Grand Rapids, Mich., was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS, or "Lou Gehrig's disease") more than a decade ago. He was given 2-5 years to live, according to the video above. Coming to terms with the diagnosis was hard -- but eventually, one fact dawned on him:

It ain't over, 'til it's over.

"I realize there is profound truth in that," Dobson says in this 10-minute clip from 2011. It's the first in a film series called "Ed's Story" that Dobson is still working on while continuing to battle ALS. The 2-year-old video continues to be shared widely online -- because everyone can use a reminder that life is worth fighting for.

If you don't have 10 minutes to spare, at least do this: Skip to the 7:55 mark. You'll be inspired. We promise.

"I didn't expect another Christmas, and now I've had 10," Dobson says towards the end of the video. "And the more I have the more I want. I have my life to share, my own story to share. One day it will be over, but it's not about how long I have left, it's about how I spend the time I do have."

Ed's Story: It Ain't Over

[vimeo - http://vimeo.com/20249114]

In It Ain't Over, the first film in the Ed's Story series, Ed Dobson reminds us that life isn't over yet and that we don't have to feel overwhelmed by the struggles we're facing today. Difficult news can sometimes make us feel like our lives are over. Ed shows us that we don't know the future, and that things may turn out quite differently from what we expect. edsstory.com

*Flannel has two more films yet to produce in the Ed's Story Series. Please help us finish! flannel.org/support/donate All donations are tax deductible.

continue to past articles

listed in date order from last to first - 

Ed Dobson - What He Has to Say About His Life-Threatening Illness Will Shake You to Your Core

Ed Dobson's Story of ALS - Preaching With My Son in His First Pulpit At Mars Hill Church

Book Review: Ed Dobson, "Seeing Through the Fog"

Ed Dobson 2012 CNN Interview, "Rethinking What It Means to be Christian"

Ed Dobson's Story - A Film Series About Hope (re: Suffering, Illness and Healing)

Ed Dobson - Faithfully Facing Mortality

Ed Dobson - What Do You Do When You Know You Are Dying?

Ed Dobson - Faithfully Facing Mortality

Ed Dobson | ALS 

Ed Dobson preaching | 2011

'Oh, That I Had The Wings Of Dove! Faithfully Facing Mortality

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ed-dobson/do-not-worry-consider-the-birds_b_1093271.html

by Ed Dobson, Pastor emeritus, Calvary Church, Grand Rapids, MI

November 14, 2011 (updated January 14, 2012)

I was diagnosed with ALS in November, shortly before Thanksgiving. About a week later I was sitting on the porch of my house watching the first snowfall of the season. As I sat there I was beginning to sink into that darkness. I was thinking that this would be my last winter. I was thinking that this would be my last Christmas. I was hoping to make it to spring! As I sat there depressed, I noticed a bird on the bush outside the window. As I sat there watching, it flew away, and I thought, "I wish I could be that bird." And I thought that the birds have no cares, no issues and no ALS. Then immediately I was drawn to the words of the writer of the Hebrew Scriptures:

"My heart is in anguish within me:

the terrors of death assail me.

Fear and trembling have beset me

Horror has overwhelmed me.

I said, "oh, that I had the wings of dove!

I would fly away and be at rest --

I would flee far away

And stay in the desert."

-- Psalms 55:4-7

This is exactly how I feel. I love the language -- anguish, terrors, fear, trembling and horror. I'm not afraid of being dead. It's getting dead that bothers me. For me, "getting dead" involves choices about wheelchairs, communication assistance, feeding tubes and breathing assistance. It's not pleasant when I think of the future. Of course, I try to ignore it but the underlying reality is always there. I think it bothered the writer of this prayer as well. In the face of death and dying, I would like to be a bird. I would like to get away from this situation. I would like to feel like I am free. This passage expresses my deepest feelings.

I am a follower of Jesus. And I am fully aware of what Jesus says about worry. ("Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself," Matt. 5:34). Do you know how many people have come up to me and quoted this verse? Their attitude is that since Jesus said this, I should obey it. However, they have little to worry about. I am facing death and a life hereafter and I have a whole lot to worry about.

This quotation comes from an extended passage in which Jesus deals with the subject of worry. In the middle of this section on worry, Jesus refers to the birds. "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store in barns yet your heavenly father feeds them." So every time I see a bird, I am reminded that God takes care of them and if he takes care of them, he will take care of me. As I sit here writing, I am looking out the window and I see a bird. God takes care of that bird and ultimately the same God will take care of me. Of course, I'm not sure how God takes care of a bird. Neither am I sure of how God will take care of me. But since he takes care of the birds, I know he'll take care of me.

So every time I see a bird I have two options. First, I can want to be like the bird and fly away to be at rest. It's the longing to be set free from ALS. It's the longing to be set free from the terrors of death. Second, I can realize that God takes care of the birds and ultimately he will take care of me. Sometimes I go for option one. I long to live and be free. Other times I go for option two. I know God takes care of the birds and I know he will take care of me. My life is lived between these two options. On the one hand is the fear of death. And on the other hand the reality that God will see me through.

Everybody has something to worry about. It may not be ALS. So whatever you worry about, whenever you see a bird, remember that God will take care of you.

continue to past articles

listed in date order from last to first - 

Ed Dobson - What He Has to Say About His Life-Threatening Illness Will Shake You to Your Core

Ed Dobson's Story of ALS - Preaching With My Son in His First Pulpit At Mars Hill Church

Book Review: Ed Dobson, "Seeing Through the Fog"

Ed Dobson 2012 CNN Interview, "Rethinking What It Means to be Christian"

Ed Dobson's Story - A Film Series About Hope (re: Suffering, Illness and Healing)

Ed Dobson - Faithfully Facing Mortality

Ed Dobson - What Do You Do When You Know You Are Dying?

Ed Dobson - What Do You Do When You Know You Are Dying?

Ed Dobson | ALS 

Ed Dobson preaching | 2011

Sinking Into Darkness: What Do You Do When You Know You Are Dying?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ed-dobson/sinking-into-darkness_b_992653.html

by Ed Dobson, Pastor emeritus, Calvary Church, Grand Rapids, MI

October 5, 2011 (updated December 5, 2011)

It all began with twitching in my muscles. My wife insisted that I go see a doctor, but being a typical male, I ignored her. At the same time, I was having difficulty opening jars and cans when I was backpacking. I had just turned 50 years old, so I thought that this is what happens when you get old. Then one day, as I was writing out my sermon notes, it was as if my brain and my hand were not cooperating. So the next morning I was in church getting ready to preach. During the song right before I was scheduled to preach, I leaned over to a doctor who is a neurologist and told him about the twitching and the weakness. As I look back at that moment it's really ridiculous -- as if a doctor is going to diagnose me during the service right before I preach. He told me that I needed to go see him, like tomorrow.

Ed Dobson | Ministry to the Sick & Dying

So I went to see him. He spent about 15 minutes examining me and then asked me to come into his office. He told me there were several possibilities. First, my twitches could be benign fasciculations. He told me that everyone's muscles twitch and that maybe mine twitch more than the average (I was hoping that I was just a big twitcher rather than a little twitcher). Second, it's possible that I might have ALS. Once he mentioned ALS, my heart immediately sank. A few weeks later it was confirmed that I had ALS.

There is no way to describe the hopeless feeling of knowing that you only have a few years to live, and most of that time will be in the disabled condition. How does it feel?

• It feels like you are sinking into the darkness.
• It feels like you have left the warmth and sunshine and descended into a tomb.
• It feels like you are in slow motion while the rest of the world speeds past.
• It feels like you have a ringside seat to your own demise.
• It feels overwhelming!

I have been a pastor all my life and have helped many people deal with difficult circumstances. But there is a huge difference between helping someone and dealing with it yourself. I thought that if I knew I was dying, I would really read the Bible. I found the opposite to be true. I can hardly pick up the Bible and read it at all.

I thought that if I knew I was dying, I would really pray. I found the opposite to be true. I can hardly pray at all.

I thought that if I knew I was dying, I would begin to think a lot about heaven. I found the opposite to be true. I found myself more and more attached to the people around me.

In the midst of my struggles, I began writing a book entitled "Prayers and Promises When Facing a Life-Threatening Illness." During my youngest son's second tour of Iraq, compliments of the Army, I sent him a copy of the book. The book contains a morning prayer and an evening promise. Throughout the book I tell stories of my own journey. My son told me that the stories would make wonderful short films.

Ed Dobson brushing his teeth | 2011

Lorna Dobson helping to dress her husband | 2011

Now I have really never been into films. I seldom watch a film and I sure never anticipated in being in a film. When my son returned, we began working on the idea of a series of short, 10-minute films. That idea is now a reality, seven short films in a series called Ed's Story. During the first year we worked on the films, we tried to identify the ideas that would give a sense of hope to people who have had the air knocked out of them. Early in my journey with this disease, I discovered that I did not want to read a lengthy book on suffering. I could only take information in short, concise and focused segments. These short films are designed to do just that. It only takes 10 minutes to watch one.

It is difficult for me to watch the films. When I watch a film I relive the situation over and over and over again. I've discovered that my emotions are just beneath the surface. When I watch the films, those emotions come rushing to the surface. So why did I do the films if it is difficult to watch them? I wanted to do something to give a sense of hope to people no matter what their circumstances. We are all human beings and part of our challenge is to face struggles and respond to them in a healthy way. I'm not sure I have always responded to my struggles in a healthy way, but at least I'm trying.

continue to past articles

listed in date order from last to first - 

Ed Dobson - What He Has to Say About His Life-Threatening Illness Will Shake You to Your Core

Ed Dobson's Story of ALS - Preaching With My Son in His First Pulpit At Mars Hill Church

Book Review: Ed Dobson, "Seeing Through the Fog"

Ed Dobson 2012 CNN Interview, "Rethinking What It Means to be Christian"

Ed Dobson's Story - A Film Series About Hope (re: Suffering, Illness and Healing)

Ed Dobson - Faithfully Facing Mortality

Ed Dobson - What Do You Do When You Know You Are Dying?