A Critique of HarperOne & the "Love Wins" Guidebook

It's hard to put into words my initial reactions when I see a for-profit Christian group working so hard at selling their idea of Christianity. I suppose my visceral reactions wouldn't be so large if they focused on a main idea or two, but when I look at HarperOne's list under "Guides" (go to link) I get the sense from within the corporate boardroom, that their beliefs range all over the spiritual landscapes of personal faiths, selling whatever can make them money regardless of the consequences to the individual lives of converts and seekers that they serve.

Now, on the one hand, the results of their efforts grants to us, their readership (or viewership) potential blessings especially when reading these guides within small group fellowships. And though I tend to be wary (or is the word "discerning" more fashionable these days?) when it comes to a Christian smorgasbord purporting a buffet-style banquet with a one-stop-feeds-all marketing strategy, I must remember that my needs are as unique as another's is valid.

And as I listen and watch HarperOne's promo video reciting each author's various journeys and soulful stories, finding some who resonate deeply within me and others that are beyond my grasp, if not leaving me altogether skeptical. I then begin to remember the many New Testament scriptural warnings given by Jesus and John, Peter and Paul, as they speak of false teachers, warning of would-be illicit guides to man's spiritual journeys. At some point we, as maturing Christians, must separate the wolves from the sheep, the false shepherds from the true, if we are to share in the truths of God, his many works of love, and his grand vision for our lives.

And so, without presuming to judge the many spiritual guides that HarperOne produces in assembly-line fashion, hopefully ministering to as many different lives as can be imagined - while working diligently each fiscal quarter to make as much profit as possible (most probably deemed "God's blessing" by the cynic in me) - I pray that we are led straight-and-true to our Savior and Lord discovering truly helpful - and not misleading - spiritual resources within this postmodernistic, mystical generation, that we live and move and have our being.

- skinhead

ps... though I favor Rob Bell greatly, and regularly submit insights from him that I find sublime and helpful, it seems to me that HarperOne's LOVE WINS guidebook is conflicted throughout by the HarperOne process of provocative distillation to the greatest amount of people, in the widest possible manners, to the greatest economic good and bottom line dollars, as can be generated to HarperOne. In Jesus' words, beware "the love of money/mammon," or more properly, those who would use you and your talents for money - which I believe HarperOne has forced upon their many well-intentioned authors that are desiring to deeply honor God, while impacting society as widely as possible, through a wide-range of talents, efforts, insights and resolute hearts.

And so, the questions I read from within the LOVE WINS guidebook seem to fall within the HarperOne realm of provocative and slippery marketing, rather than a decent guide to the Christian faith, so that it leaves a lot of mushy, subjective topics unanswered and unanswerable (though I, and many others, would like to try and provide some kind of scriptural response to each topic or issue posed, however newly dressed-up in today's latest gnostic fashions).

And thus, the reason for this emergent blog, is to help delineate Christian orthodoxy for the 21st Century, topic-by-topic, doctrine-by-doctrine, verse-by-verse, question-by-question. In an attempt to leave the unknowable unknowable, and the answerable answerable, while giving certain knowledge and argument, from the God of mystery and wonder, who would have us to know with veracity certain creeds and foundations, truths and practices, and doctrines without dogmas.

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About

Since 1977 HarperOne has been committed to publishing books that offer new pathways, break down barriers, and serve as valued sources of inspiration and information for millions of seekers, students, scholars, and general readers.

Our authors rank among the world’s leading voices of wisdom, learning, faith, change, hope, and healing, and have been responsible for beginning new publishing trends, revealing secrets of the scribes, and pushing the boundaries of form, language, and spirit.

Building on this rich tradition, HarperOne strives to be the preeminent publisher of the most important books across the full spectrum of religion, spirituality, and personal growth, adding to the wealth of the world’s wisdom by stirring the waters of reflection on the primary questions of life, while respecting all traditions.

How To Use

Some tips for leading a fun, interesting book club discussion:

Choose a theme: Pick a theme or subject, and compare and contrast more than one book.

Extra credit: Supplement your reading with extra materials. Read newspaper, magazine, and online author interviews to learn more about the author and the book. Is it autobiographical? Are there any cultural or historical aspects of the book that you can research to supplement the discussion? If available, bring book reviews to the meeting so that you and the other members can discuss whether you agree or disagree with the review.

Go in-depth with a favorite author: Consider focusing on several works by one author, tracing his or her progression as an author and the changing themes in the various works. Be prepared to discuss the author’s life and career and the context in which he or she wrote.

Author events: Is your church or sponsoring institution interested in bringing a HarperOne author in for an event? To inquire about an author’s availability for speaking engagements contact HarperOnePublicity@harpercollins.com or call (415) 477–4447. Or, if an author is speaking in your area, attend an event. To learn more about where your favorite authors will be will be, visit www.authortracker.com, and be among the first to know about new books, events, and special promotions.

New horizons: Use the book as a jumping-off point to explore other cultures and civilizations through food, music, clothing, decorations, and customs described in the book. If the book makes reference to an artist or composer, share an example of that person’s work with the group.

Visual aids

Travel adventure reading: Combine the group’s reading with travel—whether a trip to a local museums or an extended vacations abroad. This can mean anything from a day trip to a local art museum or historic site to a group vacation to the Holy Land!

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Love Wins
by Rob Bell


Reading and Discussion Guide
http://www.smallgroupguides.com/guides/love-wins-by-rob-bell/love-wins-by-rob-bell/

Chapter 1: What About the Flat Tire?

1. 1.  Before reading this book, how did you think of heaven and hell?
2. 2.  Do you believe God invites us, even welcomes us, to discuss and debate the big questions of faith, doctrine, and the Bible?
3. 3.  What messages have you heard about who goes (or how many go) to heaven? Or about how God can be both loving Father and Judge?
4. 4.  Of the questions Bell raises in this chapter, which did you experience as raising issues you have had before or issues you would like to discuss more?

Chapter 2: Here Is the New There

1. Bell remembers his grandmother’s painting of heaven as a floating, glimmering city. What is your vision of heaven? What factors have shaped this vision?
2. How does the perception of our lives and our church change when we think of heaven as a restored Earth rather than as a faraway place?
3. If Jesus consistently focused on heaven for today, why do we so emphasize heaven after we die?
4. Bell describes the Christian life as our preparation to become the kind of people who can dwell in heaven; how does this reorient how we shape our lives?
5. What is the connection between our understanding of heaven and how we live our lives?

Chapter 3: Hell

1. See again the painting on page 20, where hell is represented as a dark, ominous abyss. How do you imagine hell? What factors have shaped this vision? Has your concept of hell changed over time and if so, how?
2. What changes in how you think of the gospel when hell is seen as perhaps temporary or time-limited?
3. What do you think of the idea that hell might be for correction rather than as punishment?
4. If the purpose of hell is for correction, then what do we think happens in hell?
5. If we remove the threat of punishment in our presentation of the gospel, why might someone be interested in the good news?

Chapter 4: Does God Get What God Wants?

1. Do you believe human life is tragic or is it a romance?
2. Do you think an all-powerful loving God would allow the vast majority of human beings who have ever lived to suffer eternally? Why or why not?
3. Do you think God would say to someone trying to repent, “Sorry, too late. You had your chance”?
4. As Bell shows, the Bible does not spell out all the details of what happens after we die. What might be God’s purposes for not explaining everything and, instead, promising that we will be “surprised”? Why do you think various church traditions have spelled out exactly what will happen?

Chapter 5: Dying to Live

1. How would you describe to others what Jesus accomplished on the cross and how it affects us?
2. How meaningful to you are some of the words the Bible uses to describe Jesus’s work on the cross—sacrifice, atonement, justification, redemption, victory?
3. According to Bell, how does Jesus’s death and resurrection relate to the basic pattern of life, death, and rebirth we witness in all of life?
4. What changes if we accept a more “cosmic” or “grand” understanding of Jesus’s accomplishments and goals?
5. Why do Christians so often focus on questions of who is in and who is out of heaven?

Chapter 6: There Are Rocks Everywhere

1. When you hear stories of people experiencing Jesus or a divine presence, how do you react? Is your tendency to believe them or not? Have you experienced God directly in this way?
2. In what sense do you think was Jesus in the rock Moses struck to get water?
3. How does seeing Jesus above all religions and cultures change how we approach people of different religions and cultures?
4. With this expanded view of Jesus, where might be some new places and ways we see him today? How does Bell’s view of Jesus change how we explain the gospel to others?

Chapter 7: The Good News Is Better Than That

1. What story do you think God is telling you about yourself?
2. When you describe what you believe, what picture of God do you think others perceive?
3. Do you believe God is fundamentally for you or against you? Have you ever found it difficult to love God?
4. If the gospel is mostly about “participation” and not about “entrance,” why would this, as Bell argues, open us up to joy, happiness, and even throwing a good party? What role has joy played in your Christian life?
5. Bell claims that there “is a secret deep in the heart of many people, especially Christians: they don’t love God” (p. 176). He says that some people have a distorted view of God where they think Jesus rescues us from God. Have you witnessed or experienced these feelings or thoughts?

Chapter 8: The End Is Here

1. Bell recalls the moment from his childhood when he decided to be a Christian. How have your early experiences of faith shaped your current faith life? What do you think of your earlier spiritual experiences today?
2. How does our spiritual outlook change when we think of God’s invitation to us shifting from where we will go when we die to a relationship right here and now?
3. If your heavenly life begins now, how might that change your life, your goals, your focus, and your everyday life?
4. What do you think it means to trust God’s love?
5. Why do you think Jesus so emphasizes the urgency of deciding today, now?
6. Do you believe that “love wins”?

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PDF VERSION OF THIS GUIDE

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Rob Bell - Abide in God's Annointing (1 John 2.26-27)

HELICOPTERS, ALICIA KEYES, AND A WOMAN IN AN ART MUSEUM http://marshill.org/teaching/2011/06/26/1-john-2v26-27-helicopters-alicia-keyes-and-a-woman-in-an-art-museum/

    Rob Bell - 1 John 2.26-27   

  (click here to hear sermon) 

Helicopter lands on Michigan Street in downtown Grand Rapids
for EMS Expo at DeVos Place (an aerial mobile hospital)

Lance Wynn | The Grand Rapids Press

The University of Michigan Medical Center Survival Flight helicopter comes in for a landing on Michigan Street NW in front of the downtown post office Thursday afternoon. The helicopter came to town for the Michigan EMS Expo which is at DeVos Place April 16-19.

Duane Hanson's "Woman with a Purse"

http://www.designboom.com/eng/funclub/duanehanson.html

http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk/artists/duane_hanson.htm

America's Got Talent: Anna Graceman
If I Ain't Got You (Atlanta Audition)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQJLM6xyO_M
Air Date: June 21, 2011


America's Got Talent: Anna Graceman
Wonderful World (Vegas Audition) (hd)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oGsW67zJz4&feature=related

Air Date: August 1, 2011

1 John 2 (ESV)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+John+2&version=ESV

Christ Our Advocate

¹My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. ² He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. ³And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. ⁴Whoever says "I know him" but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, ⁵but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: ⁶whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

The New Commandment

⁷Beloved, I am writing you no new commandment, but an old commandment that you had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word that you have heard. ⁸At the same time, it is a new commandment that I am writing to you, which is true in him and in you, because^[a] the darkness is passing away and the true light is already shining. ⁹Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. ¹⁰Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him^[b] there is no cause for stumbling. ¹¹But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

 ¹²I am writing to you, little children,
because your sins are forgiven for his name’s sake.
¹³I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men,
because you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, children,
because you know the Father.
¹⁴I write to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because you are strong,
and the word of God abides in you,
and you have overcome the evil one.

Do Not Love the World

¹⁵ Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ¹⁶For all that is in the world— the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. ¹⁷And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Warning Concerning Antichrists

¹⁸Children, it is the last hour, and as you have heard that antichrist is coming, so now many antichrists have come. Therefore we know that it is the last hour. ¹⁹ They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us. ²⁰But you have been anointed by the Holy One, and you all have knowledge.^{[c] 21}I write to you, not because you do not know the truth, but because you know it, and because no lie is of the truth. ²²Who is the liar but he who denies that Jesus is the Christ? This is the antichrist, he who denies the Father and the Son. ²³ No one who denies the Son has the Father. Whoever confesses the Son has the Father also. ²⁴Let what you heard from the beginning abide in you. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, then you too will abide in the Son and in the Father. ²⁵And this is the promise that he made to us^[d]— eternal life.

²⁶I write these things to you about those who are trying to deceive you. ²⁷But the anointing that you received from him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in him.

Children of God

²⁸And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming. ²⁹If you know that he is righteous, you may be sure that everyone who practices righteousness has been born of him.

Footnotes:

1. 1 John 2:8 Or that
2. 1 John 2:10 Or it
3. 1 John 2:20 Some manuscripts you know everything
4. 1 John 2:25 Some manuscripts you

More than 500 Free from Slavery in IJM’s Largest Operation Ever

http://www.ijm.org/newsfromthefield/more-than-500-free-from-slavery-in-ijms-largest-operation-ever

Friday, May 13, 2011

CHENNAI – Today, 514 children, women and men are living in freedom after being rescued from a brick kiln in IJM’s largest anti-slavery operation ever. Sparked by a brother’s desperate plea, the operation brought freedom to nearly 400 forced to work in the kiln – including 23 children, the youngest only 8 years old – and their dependents, either too old and frail or too young and weak to work, but still held captive within the factory’s walls.

A call for help, three states away

Laborers were still at work making bricks when IJM and the local government entered the facility.

The whispered words of a forbidden phone call set in motion the force that would eventually topple the kiln’s brutal slave system. Boola, 27, managed to contact his brother, who listened with increasing horror as Boola described 18-hour forced workdays without enough food or rest, refusals to provide promised payment – and vicious beatings by the owner and his henchmen.

Determined to save Boola, his brother made a report to the government, stating that he believed there could be many more trapped along with him in the massive brick factory. The government referred the case to IJM for support. Together, they prepared for a major operation – but no one imagined the magnitude of the crimes they would find.

'Who wants to come out?'

Asked “who wants to leave?” the laborers raise their hands.

On the afternoon of Wednesday, April 27, 2011, a team of government officials and IJM staff, accompanied by police, entered the brick kiln, intent on liberating any laborers held there by force.

With a local government representative, Kandasamy, leading the way, the rescue team began to gather the surprised laborers from the brick ovens and huts into an open area. As the rescue team explained the reason they had come, excitement built among the laborers, who quickly began to call their loved ones to join the growing crowd.

It soon became apparent that the initial estimate of 200 people fell far short: A sea of people clad in tattered, but colorful, mud-flecked clothing stretched nearly 30 yards from where the team’s rallying point had been established. The sight was overwhelming.

IJM Chennai Director of Aftercare Pranitha Timothy turned to the throng and shouted in Hindi, "Who wants to come out?" Immediately, hundreds of hands shot up into the air.

Accommodating the 500

More than 500 children, women and men were brought out of the brick kiln to freedom.

The IJM team and Kandasamy and his staff began making preparations for the massive group desperate to leave. In a matter of hours, Kandasamy – an incredible advocate for the victims – had secured dinner, lodging and breakfast for all 514 people, a group comparable in size to that of a very large wedding.

He arranged for four trucks to transport the freed laborers to a nearby school, where they would stay for the next several days. When those trucks proved not enough, he used one that belonged to the brick kiln owner; already arrested, he was in no position to refuse. A medical camp was set up to administer check-ups and medication; a water tanker was brought in to provide clean drinking water; police provided 24-hour protection; and classrooms were cleared to accommodate the new arrivals.

Through the night until early the next morning, the freed laborers poured out their stories to local officials in order to be documented as released slaves. Through their recounting of cruel beatings, restricted movement and brutal labor, a common sentiment emerged: "Even if they pay us 10,000 rupees, we would not come back."

A certificate of freedom and a ticket home

As the operation stretched from one day to five, Kandasamy came up with more and more ways to benefit his 514 guests: by day two, a pair of television sets had been brought in to broadcast cricket and Oriya-language programs. At the same time, IJM staff supported the victims and assisted with the government with preparation of the 371 official Release Certificates, which would be presented to each of the adults and children who had been working in bonded labor at the kiln, along with the initial installment of the government rehabilitation funds owed to them. While it often takes months for released laborers to see any of these funds, the money for these laborers had been withdrawn before they had even left the kiln.

By the operation’s third day, a high-ranking government official arrived to hold a special ceremony to celebrate the laborers’ freedom. He assured the laborers that the government would provide not only the required rehabilitation funds, but train transport and accompaniment home. The crowd erupted in cheers and applause; for the first time since they were enslaved, home was truly in sight.

"This is the most impressive display we have seen to date of the government being proactive in combating bonded labor and being sensitive to the needs of the victims," remarked Saju Mathew, IJM South Asia Regional Director. "It is a huge encouragement to work with talented, dedicated officials like these, who clearly demonstrate the potential of the government to lead the charge against bonded labor in India." For the next two days, Kandasamy stood on the platform of the local train station to send off the free children women and men in groups, watching as they boarded train cars that he had ordered to be attached on their behalf. IJM aftercare staff are making plans to ensure the families have the training they need to establish new lives in freedom. They have now returned home – more than 1000 miles from the place where they were enslaved – where they can live in safety.

IJM Rescue Operation featured in the New York Times

http://www.ijm.org/ijm-rescue-operation-featured-in-the-new-york-times

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Pulitzer-prize winning journalist Nicholas Kristof accompanied IJM and local authorities on a rescue operation at a Kolkata brothel. After entering the site to locate one girl, Nicholas, law enforcement and the IJM team "emerged from the brothel with five lives that had just been transformed."

Read Kristof's account of the rescue operation in the New York Times »

(http://www.ijm.ca/News_from_IJM/news/337)

What happens next? Answers to readers’ most common questions:

 

Kolkata red-light district
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_Kolkata

What happens to the girls and women now?

 

After girls and trafficked women are rescued, IJM’s in-country social workers partner with local aftercare organizations on the ground to secure shelter, medical care, psychological assistance, and schooling or job training. IJM social workers will continue to provide support to help ensure that these survivors do not become vulnerable to being re-trafficked.

What happens to the perpetrators?

In this case, one pimp has been arrested, and warrants have been issued for two more. Holding perpetrators accountable is absolutely critical to both protect their victims and to create a deterrent will stop others from committing the same crimes. In IJM’s work around the world, we have seen that even a small number of significant arrests and convictions can have a major effect on the behavior of would-be perpetrators.

Currently, there are approximately 100 suspects facing charges for trafficking crimes in Kolkata as a result of IJM-supported operations. In 2009, 9 traffickers and pimps were convicted for their crimes in Kolkata in IJM-supported cases.

Can rescuing individual victims really make a difference?

While the rescue of each survivor obviously makes a difference for her, IJM’s mission is to transform entire communities so that vulnerable people are protected from abuse through their justice systems. We pursue this transformation by using what we learn in each individual operation to partner with local governments, communities, NGOs and other major stakeholders to pursue training, capacity building and other critical changes. We are seeing incredible proof that this strategy is actually working – including a stunning 79% decrease in the number of minors available for commercial sexual exploitation in metro Cebu, the Philippines after four years of IJM work there. Learn more.

What's the role of the local authorities in this kind of operation?

Local governments – including law enforcement – have the only legitimate authority to conduct such an operation. Engagement with law enforcement is the best and only sustainable way to protect victims and apprehend perpetrators of sex trafficking. It is a strategy supported by virtually every credible anti-trafficking organization – including UN agencies, NGOs and responsible governments.

Who actually conducts these operations? Locals? Foreigners?

IJM staff are locals – more than 90% of IJM staff worldwide are nationals of the countries in which they work, including the Kolkata-based staff who conducted this operation. IJM is building the world’s largest indigenous force of justice professionals – sensitive to the needs of their own communities.

Is there a way I can hear about other rescue operations?

Last year alone, more than 800 people were freed from sex trafficking and forced labor slavery in IJM operations. Don’t miss out on breaking news: You can get the latest updates on IJM rescues, convictions and arrests with our free mobile app, available on all smartphones and optimized for Android, iPhone and Windows Phone, or by following us on Twitter @IJMHQ.

Is there a way I can help make more rescues happen -- and support aftercare for girls like these?

Absolutely – your financial support is vital in making the work of rescue and aftercare possible.

Loving the Foreigner and Alien in Your Land

Lest we as Christians think, as some do and behave, that God's love is only for our friends and fellow church members, our cliches and special few relatives, let us be reminded again that God's love is to be given through us to all men - to those outside one's church fellowship, to the homeless, the foreigner and alien working and living in our lands, to the stranger and the unlovely, to those who give us pain and harm, to any and all men and women and children that we meet.

To remember, that we were once "foreigners and aliens" to the very God who loved us and made us his sons and daughters, adopting us into his blood-bought family as his own. It is love that removes barriers between men and women, nations and countries, gangs and ghettos, colours, ethnicities, cutlures, and nationalities. We are bearers of a "New Country" without borders, without armed guards, without barbed walls, without bigotry and racial hate.

We are to be mindful to help and give and share in our lives even in the little things, the things we may overlook, that may be a blessing to someone else - our speech, our tone of voice, how we would look to someone in respect or disrespect, our mannerisms and airs. What we own or throw out, what we spend or should withhold in spending, where we go or would avoid going, and how we use our time or how we should better use our time.

Let the Christian not live vain, meager, mean and selfish lives... let us learn to live in a richness and fullness that bears the very love God has given to us - without measure, abundant, beyond gold and silver, selfless, serving, sacrificial.

- skinhead

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Biblical injunctions regarding aliens in our midst

http://www.patheos.com/community/rogereolson/2011/06/23/biblical-injunctions-regarding-aliens-in-our-midst/

by Roger Olson

June 23, 2011

Thanks to my colleague and dean David Garland for compiling the following list of biblical injunctions regarding

I. How God’s People are to Treat Aliens and Strangers Among Them

Exodus 22:21 (NRSV)

21. You shall not wrong or oppress a resident alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.

Exodus 23:9 (NRSV)

9. You shall not oppress a resident alien; you know the heart of an alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.

Leviticus 19:33 (NRSV)

33. When an alien resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the alien.

Leviticus 23:22 (NRSV)

22. When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap to the very edges of your field, or gather the gleanings of your harvest; you shall leave them for the poor and for the alien: I am the Lord your God.

Leviticus 24:22 (NRSV)

22. You shall have one law for the alien and for the citizen: for I am the Lord your God.

Numbers 15:16 (NRSV)

16. You and the alien who resides with you shall have the same law and the same ordinance.

Deuteronomy 1:16 (NRSV)

16. I charged your judges at that time: “Give the members of your community a fair hearing, and judge rightly between one person and another, whether citizen or resident alien.

Deuteronomy 24:20-21 (NRSV)

20. When you beat your olive trees, do not strip what is left; it shall be for the alien, the orphan, and the widow.

21. When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, do not glean what is left; it shall be for the alien, the orphan, and the widow.

Deuteronomy 27:19 (NRSV)

19. “Cursed be anyone who deprives the alien, the orphan, and the widow of justice.” All the people shall say, “Amen!”

Jeremiah 7:4-12 (NRSV)

4. Do not trust in these deceptive words: “This is the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord.”

5. For if you truly amend your ways and your doings, if you truly act justly one with another,

6. if you do not oppress the alien, the orphan, and the widow, or shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not go after other gods to your own hurt,

7. then I will dwell with you in this place, in the land that I gave of old to your ancestors forever and ever.

Zechariah 7:10 (NRSV)

10. do not oppress the widow, the orphan, the alien, or the poor; and do not devise evil in your hearts against one another.

Malachi 3:5 (NRSV)

5. Then I will draw near to you for judgment; I will be swift to bear witness against the sorcerers, against the adulterers, against those who swear falsely, against those who oppress the hired workers in their wages, the widow and the orphan, against those who thrust aside the alien, and do not fear me, says the Lord of hosts.

II. We are all Aliens and Foreigns

Psalm 39:12 (NRSV)

12. “Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry; do not hold your peace at my tears. For I am your passing guest, an alien, like all my forebears.

Ephesians 2:12 (NRSV)

12. remember that you were at that time without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.

Ephesians 2:19 (NRSV)

19. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are citizens with the saints and also members of the household of God,

1 Peter 1:1-2 (NRSV)

1. Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, To the exiles of the Dispersion in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia, 2. who have been chosen and destined by God the Father and sanctified by the Spirit to be obedient to Jesus Christ and to be sprinkled with his blood: May grace and peace be yours in abundance.

1 Peter 2:11-12

11. Beloved, I urge you as aliens and exiles to abstain from the desires of the flesh that wage war against the soul. 12. Conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles, so that, though they malign you as evildoers, they may see your honorable deeds and glorify God when he comes to judge.

III. Show Hospitality to Strangers (a command, not advice)

Romans 12:13 (NRSV)

13. Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers.

Hebrews 13:2 (NRSV)

2. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.

1 Peter 3:9 (NRSV)

9. Be hospitable to one another without complaining.

Pre-Marital Ideals and Expectations

An Open Letter to Donald Miller on Your Engagement

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2011/06/an_open_letter_to_donald_mille.html

First, congratulations. Second, let's talk about that list of qualities we should want in a spouse.

by Karen Swallow Prior

posted June 23, 2011

Dear Donald,

First of all, I’m a fan. I’ll admit I’m not young enough or hip enough to have discovered you on my own, but the college students I teach help me to keep up with the times, and they introduced me to your work some years ago. I love it all, especially A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I wish I’d had your books when I was languishing in youth group hell many years ago.

I’m thrilled to learn of your recent engagement. As someone who’s been married for 26 years—to the same man, no less—I can fully rejoice with you and Paige in your anticipation of the blessings, challenges, joys, pains, and memories this covenant relationship will bring.

In addition to two and a half decades of marriage, I bring the second-hand experiences of a fair number of hook-ups, break-ups, engagements, broken engagements, marriages, searching, longing, and questioning on matters of love and marriage: when you work with college students, you get to live through a lot of this with them. I’ve had the chance to watch a lot of young people make good decisions and bad. (And I made a few of each in my day.)

So when I heard about your recent post, “What are You Looking for in a Spouse? Why not Create a List?”— I was intrigued. It’s a good thing to know one’s self well enough before entering a lifelong partnership to be able to identify in a potential mate a handful of deal-breakers. For the Christian, of course, the first of these non-negotiables is being equally yoked. There are likely a few qualities that are essential to one’s being and therefore non-negotiable. One such non-negotiable for me would be a love of animals. Not an abstract kind of love, but the kind that turns pets into family members who share the furniture with the humans. A spouse who didn’t share this value would doom one or the other, and therefore both, to perpetual misery. I encourage my students to identify such non-negotiables when they seek my advice, as they often do.

But upon reading your post—which includes a list of qualities that your fiancée, Paige, sought in the man of her dreams long before she had met her future husband—my intrigue grew into concern.

You see, a list like the one in your post—a list of more than a dozen traits the dream husband should exhibit, most of them self-centered, focusing on how a future spouse will treat “me” and make “me” feel—doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for God to bring a partner who can meet needs we don’t even know we have, needs God knows more intimately than we or our spouses can ever know.

While Paige wrote that her dream spouse would be someone who “is always thinking about me,” I can pretty much guarantee that neither your first fight nor your 91st will be about how much thinking you did about her on any given day. It will be about who forgot to mail the credit card payment or who didn’t roll up the car windows before it rained, or whether or not you really need more towels, again.

Yet, this matter of the list isn’t really my greatest concern.

My greatest concern is that you both realize that whatever qualities each of you identifies as non-negotiable must be already present in the other person. Here’s my plea, to both of you: Don’t enter into marriage with the expectation that one or both of you will “change,” at least not in some pre-determined, pre-scripted way.

You don’t put it quite this way in your post (in fact, Paige says you have all 15 qualities of her dream man already), but the idea creeps in rather stealthily (as such ideas are wont to do) when you say that one “great thing about creating a list is that Paige helps me become this man,” and later, “Paige is helping me become her dream come true.” This sounds as though you’re both banking on her changing you.

This notion that a man will change for a woman goes all the way back to Adam’s bite of the apple, but has more salient and recent precedents in Victorian thinking and Romanticism. It’s Victorian to think it is the woman’s role to “civilize” a man and make him a more suitable husband. It’s romantic to think such a thing is possible.

Of course, both husbands and wives do change over the course of a long marriage. Indeed all people change over time. They just don’t necessarily change in the ways we want or expect. And that’s not a bad thing. The long-haired, skinny guitarist in a rock band that I married years ago is now a mild-mannered school teacher who’d rather swing a golf club than a guitar axe. Likewise, the waif my husband wed who hid her insecurities behind too much black eye make-up and aspired to change the world as a social worker has become a cynical academic with few wifely qualities, save an overindulgence in footwear that borders on neurotic.

Yet, each of us is for the other, I firmly believe, what God knew we needed. Through God’s grace, we have brought out the best in each other over the years, even though that best wouldn’t likely have been found on any list either us might have written so many years ago.

I pray for the same grace for you and Paige as you grow, both as individuals and as spouses to each other. And I pray that the changes each of you undergoes in your great marriage adventure are both delightful and surprising.

Your fan,

Karen