Index - Hermeneutics

Index to Hermeneutics

~ all indexes are list articles in date order from last to first and not topically ~

The reason for the importance of this index is that the sum total of these topics may help form a more mature method of reading the bible for understanding the Christian faith than if only one method was utilized (such as today's more popular literal reading of the bible supported by its grammatical-historical method). The listed articles below, along with any future articles forthcoming, will help sort out additional methodologies and referential biblical contexts that will lend relevancy to Christian faith and theology without which we are left to blind opinion and subjectivism.

- R.E. Slater

Hermeneutics - An Introduction

"Is the Bible True" or "Is The Bible a Collection of Myths?"

4/16/15

Remembering an All-But-Forgotten, Extremely Influential Theologian: Christoph Blumhardt

3/30/15

The Gift of Reading the Bible Dynamically

11/25/14

Should Church Creeds and Confessions Change with Advances in Human Knowledge?

3/26/14

What To Do About Bad Theology

9/18/13

Is the Bible like a Compost Pile or a Cookbook?

12/24/12

A Jewish Perspective of the Bible

11/30/12

5 Approaches to Biblical Theology (Barr, Carson, Wright, Childs, Watson)

11/26/12

The Presence of God in an Open Bible

10/29/12

The Bible and Evolution, Inerrancy, and Other Matters

9/15/12

Can God speak through myth?

7/17/12

N.T. Wright, Scripture & the Authority of God - "Enlightenment, Postmodernism, and Misreading Scripture"

5/19/12

The Gospel is neither Exclusive nor Excluding

5/7/12

Accepting the Complexity and Ambiguity Inherent in Scripture, Part 2

4/17/12

Accepting the Complexity and Ambiguity Inherent in Scripture, Part 1

4/16/12

What do we mean by the word Literal?

2/15/12

Blinded to the Real Issues

1/13/12

Jesus, the Fulfillment of God's Revelation to Man

12/8/11

Text & Culture - The Relevancy of God's Word to Contemporary Culture

10/11/11

How Should We Read the Bible?

8/26/11

What is Theology?

7/27/11

Hermeneutics, in pictures

Hermeneutics - Postmodern Hermeneutics

Bruce Epperly - The Future of Process Theology

7/2/19

My Journey Out of Inerrancy to a Broader Hermeneutic

5/22/14

How Are We to Read the Bible? As a Divine Product or Human? Part 2 of 2

3/12/14

How Are We to Read the Bible? As a Divine Product or Human? Part 1 of 2

3/11/14

How Postmodern Hermeneutics Helps in Reading The Bible

Hermeneutics - PostChristian Hermeneutics

The Problem of Being

6/23/18

In God I Trust and No Other." So Then, "Who Is This God We Trust?" Part 2/2

2/4/16

"In God I Trust and No Other." So Then, "Who Is This God We Trust?" Part 1/2

Hermeneutics and the Biblical Canon

Reviews of Konrad Schmid's "A Literary History of the Old Testament" - How the OT was Compiled

The Bible as a "Memory-Narrative" or "Mnemo-Narrative"

Can an Open Bible compete with a Dead One?

Development of the New Testament Canon

The Gnostic Gospels of the New Testament Era

The Biblical Apocrypha

The Jewish Apocrypha

The New Testament Apocrypha

Development of the Old Testament Canon

Development of the Hebrew Bible Canon

The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha



Hermeneutics and Apocalyptic Literature

Translating the Apocalyptic Literature of Revelation: The Defeat of the Pagan Empire of Babylon

Translating the Apocalyptic Literature of Revelation: The Woman and the Dragon and the People of God

Hermeneutics and Incarnation

How Do You Read the Bible? Incarnationally, Inspirationally, Inerrantly, or Inexpertly?

12/13/13

Evangelical Hermeneutics vs. Pauline Hermeneutics

9/7/12

Which Do You Chose - Justice, Justification or Jesus?

11/2/11

Biblical Interpretation - History v. Theology

8/26/11

Which Hermeneutic Do We Choose? Christological or Trinitarian?

8/23/11

Biblical Authority & Incarnation vs. Analytic Theology

8/18/11

Kevin Corcoran's Critique of Derrida and Caputo

Hermeneutics and Interpretation (unfinished)

35 articles unlisted as yet

Hermeneutics and Revelation

Peter Enns - How the Bible Actually Works

4/13/20

Did Jesus Break the Torah? Yes, In Fact, He Encouraged Others To Do So Too!

5/7/17

David Congdon - No, The American Church is Not in Exile

5/2/17

The Biblical Story of Inclusion of Who Belongs As God's People

Hermeneutics as Biblical Theology

Peter Enns - The Bible as a "Human Book"

6/17/15

Should Christians Resist the Pressure to Interpret the Bible Culturally?

7/15/13

Working Towards a Biblical Interpretation that is both Relevant and Accurate

4/1/13 

5 Approaches to Biblical Theology (Barr, Carson, Wright, Childs, Watson)

Hermeneutics as Meta-Narrative

Brian Zahnd - My Problem with the Bible

12/8/15

Peter Enns, "Scripture as a Polyphonic Text has not One, but Many Voices"

11/28/13

The Why of Narrative Theology, Its Necessity, and Usefulness

11/25/13

Oh the Games We Play with God and Church: A Study of Game Theory and Favorable Outcomes

5/23/13

What We Mean and Don't Mean When We Talk About God's Sovereignty

4/23/13

The Narrative Story of God, Creation and Mankind from an Evolutionary Perspective of Love Wins

8/6/12

An Unnecessary Division between Narrative and Literary Theology

7/24/12

What Is Narrative Theology? It is the "Grander Story of God and Creation"

2/25/12

Pete Enns - The Evolution of Adam, Parts 1, 2, 3

11/8/11

The God of Creation - Why Would God Use 4.6 to 6.2 Billion Years to Create the Earth?

8/1/11

What is Theology?

7/27/11

Recovering Theological Perspective Through Narrative

7/27/11

“Missio Dei” in historical perspectives, part 1

6/10/11

“Missio Dei” in historical perspectives, part 2

6/10/11

“Missio Dei” in historical perspectives, part 3

6/9/11

The Bible as Meta-Narrative

5/1/11

The Use of Meta-Narrative in Hermeneutics

Hermeneutics as Redactionism

Pete Enns - Why "Original Author" [Theory] is Overrated

3/10/17

The Historical Context of the Gospel of Mark's Ending

3/28/15

How Orthodox Beliefs and Modern Biblical Scholarship Might Reconcile

4/1/14

Archaeology and the Bible: Sorting through Fact from Fiction

2/21/14

What are the Pros and Cons of Webb's Redemptive-Movement Hermenutic?

9/4/2020 (11/7/13)

Peter Enns - Historical Criticism and Evangelicalism: An Uneasy Relationship

7/2/13

Book Review: "Legacy of Israel in Judah's Bible"

4/9/13

Book Review: Politics in the Hebrew Bible, Parts 1-3

Hermeneutics as Reductionism

Biblical Docetism - The Dangers of Reading the Bible Literally

4/3/16

Who Is Rudolf Bultmann? The Father of Form Criticism and DeMythologizing of the Bible.

8/25/14

How Orthodox Beliefs and Modern Biblical Scholarship Might Reconcile

4/1/14

Connfessions of an Ex-Apologist: "In Defense of Why I Left My Calling"

Sample Charts, Diagrams, and Illustrations

of the Hermeneutical Process

Ten Essential Skills The Next Generation Of Religious Leaders Will Need

Ten Essential Skills The Next Generation Of Religious Leaders Will Need
http://religioninsights.org/articles/ten-essential-skills-next-generation-religious-leaders-will-need

Some skills are time-tested, such as listening and collaborating, but tomorrow’s religious leaders will also need to be entrepreneurial and communicate in new ways.

The U.S. religious landscape is changing and so too the old ways of doing church. Today’s seminary students will likely need to be far more creative and imaginative than older generations in connecting with members and creating community. Four experts weigh in on the 10 most essential skills the next generation of religious leaders will need. (Surprise: technological skills didn’t make the list!)

The 10 most essential skills:

1. Be entrepreneurial: In the old days, visitors were invited to attend worship services with the hope they would join. Today, clergy have to deploy a whole host of methods — from finding people through online groups to giving talks at local libraries or coffee shops. Being entrepreneurial means taking risks. Some pastors try one new approach and when it doesn’t work they label it a failure and go back to business as usual, says Lawrence Peers, director of learning for the Pastoral Excellence Network. What if they defined the new approach as an experiment and tried to learn from it?

2. Communicate theology effectively: Clergy have to speak to many people with widely diverging needs. Some don’t have a faith background and never attended church. Some are well versed in the popular distillations of recent theological trends. And some are in interfaith marriages and have gained a deep appreciation for other traditions. Speaking to all of these groups requires developing a rich vocabulary, while at the same time communicating core shared values. “The theological framework will have to be deeper and broader,” says Cynthia Woolever, a sociologist and research director of the U.S. Congregational Life Survey.

3. Have the courage of your convictions: New pastors are often afraid of speaking up for fear they may lose standing within their congregation or denomination, says Martha Simmons, president and publisher of The African American Pulpit Journal and the creator of The African American Lectionary. Simmons often sees clergy shirk controversial issues, whether it’s the treatment of women clergy or homosexuality. Her advice? “Say what you believe.” Equally important are strong core convictions rooted in beliefs. Convictions inspire, adds the Rev. Kathy Smith, associate director of theCalvin Institute of Christian Worship.

4. Collaborate: Effective clergy know how to engage their congregants if they want to move forward toward a common vision. Peers, of the Pastoral Excellence Network, quotes a colleague who says, “Clergy need the ability to play jazz, while their seminary teaches them to play from sheet music.”

5. Find mentors: No clergyperson should lead alone. Simmons says pastors often tell her they can’t find the right mentors. Her response? “Take it where you can get it.” Everyone needs a mentor, even older, experienced clergy. She adds: “We’re all going to make mistakes. But there are some mistakes we can’t afford to make. Mentors can help you not fall into ditches and lose time you can’t get back.” The Pastoral Excellence Network exists to support clergy mentoring communities across many denominations.

6. Learn to listen: It may seem obvious, but clergy spend a lot of time learning to speak. They also need to listen. Listening is even more important at a time when society has lost the art of civil conversation, says Smith. Listening well will help clergy avoid pitfalls that come when clergy don’t know the culture of the congregation and fail to honor local traditions, adds Peers.

7. Try humility: Society once accorded clergy a high social standing. That’s not necessarily the case anymore. “Authority is earned over time,” says Peers, referring to clergy. “It takes patience and diligence. Leading is a dance —sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow the leading of others in the congregation.”

8. Develop a spiritual discipline: Simmons says she often gets silent stares when she asks clergy about their spiritual discipline. Everyone says they pray, she says, but Simmons encourages clergy to develop a structured discipline that’s built into their daily lives, whether its meditation, Bible-reading or quiet time.

9. Speak to doubt as well as to faith: Ironically, talking about doubt will help faith seem more relevant, says Peers, who advises clergy to honor honest questioning. “Clergy can create an atmosphere of searching so that people don’t have to leave a congregation necessarily when they experience doubt,” he says.

10. Love the people you serve: Some clergy are so enamored by the vision they have for the congregation, they lose sight of the people. “We sometimes love the dream more than the people,” says Smith, who advises: “Spend the time to get to know and appreciate the people you’re attempting to lead.”

http://religioninsights.org/

The Guardian - Breaking the Cycle of Abuse

Early intervention is vital because signs of violent offending in later life can be identified in children as young as three. Photograph: Alamy

Breaking the cycle of abuse

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/sep/17/breaking-the-cycle-of-abuse

Joanna Moorhead

theguardian.com, Tuesday 17 September 2013 02.00 EDT

High-profile cases have put child abuse at the forefront of public debate. Experts believe higher prevention rates depend on support for targeted initiatives replacing moral outrage

Child abuse – which has dominated the headlines over the past year as a result of the Savile inquiry and other high-profile child-cruelty cases, and which is often presented as one of the country's most intractable problems – could be reduced by 70% by the year 2030, delegates to a Guardian debate were told.

Plenty of research exists, and more work is being carried out, that shows what could and would lead to a dramatic reduction in the incidence of maltreatment of children. The biggest difficulty is persuading not only decision-makers, but also the public, that preventing child abuse is possible, given the right steps. 

But what's needed first, participants at the roundtable debate – sponsored by the NSPCC – heard, is a shift in the way the media perceives the problem: too often, one participant remarked, tabloid-newspaper coverage focuses on a witch-hunt and not on the issues that create a culture in which abuse is allowed to continue.

The debate focused on the fact that children who are abused are much more likely to become adults who abuse (between 30% and 40% of people who are abused as children go on to become abusers themselves) – so it is vital to concentrate efforts on families that could be identified as being at greater risk of abuse.

Supporting those families would pay huge dividends in the long term because reducing the incidence of abuse in the short term would have the knock-on effect of reducing the number of adults likely to become abusers in the decades ahead.

Surprising evidence

"When you look at the evidence, what comes as a big surprise is that it's the very start of a child's life that matters most," said one participant. "By the age of three, nurses can identify those children who will go on to become violent offenders. By three, these children are 10-times more aggressive than the most peaceful children.

"As well as being able to identify the children, we can also identify their home circumstances. We know problems stem directly from not having a secure parental attachment; 15% of children in this country have disorganised attachment and they are on a pathway to being disruptive at school and going on to live lives with high levels of aggression."

These children would go on to become society's abusers, so taking the right action now would make a significant difference to levels of abuse in the future.

The problem, delegates were told, was that while Savile and individual, shocking cases of abuse, such as that of murdered four-year-old Daniel Pelka, had led to high levels of public anger about child abuse – the thrust of the reaction was still punitive. "What we're seeing is a great deal of moral outrage, but not so much interest in the targeted work that would make a real difference," one participant noted.

Stoking the flames of this reaction is a lot of the media coverage. "All the tabloids want to do is see offenders crucified," said one contributor. "So the focus of decision-makers gets drawn towards that." Another participant agreed, adding: "The great fear politicians have is of newspapers pointing their fingers [at initiatives designed to ameliorate the problems] and saying 'nanny state'."

But the good news, said another participant, was that research was well on the way to identifying which initiatives could be successful at tackling the root causes of abuse – and a £165m Big Lottery project was about to begin, aimed at pinpointing exactly which early-life interventions could be transformative.

"We don't yet have a blueprint, but we do know a lot more than many people realise about how to make a difference and how to identify people most at risk [of becoming abusers]. We're in a very good place to start working; we're on a learning path," said one contributor.

The NSPCC, which has experienced a huge surge in demand for its services in the wake of the Savile investigation, is also expanding its work in response to the increased awareness of child abuse. Its £20m Now I Know campaign to build a ChildLine Schools Service, will train volunteers to visit primary schools throughout Britain to teach children about abuse. It's about giving children the confidence to talk about abuse and equipping them to protect themselves through simple advice.

What the Savile inquiry has shown is that "stranger danger", on which past campaigns had concentrated, doesn't target the biggest problem, which is people who are trusted and known to children, and who find ways and opportunities to access them (in more than 90% of cases, children are sexually abused by someone known to them). The problem with this message, several delegates pointed out, was that by alerting children to the fact that trusted adults could be abusers, it raised the question of who could a child trust?

One positive reaction to Savile is that many parents have contacted the NSPCC to ask what they ought to tell their children to equip them with the knowledge they need. Parents are certainly looking to play their part – six in 10 report trying to have a conversation with their children about the risks of sexual abuse, although most concentrate on stranger danger, despite knowing that the real risk is closer to home.

The NSPCC's response has been its current campaign on "the underwear rule", which gives parents simple guidelines to explain to children that the parts of their body covered by their underwear are private, and no one should be asking to touch or look at those places.

There was also discussion about what adults who suspected another adult of abuse could do about it: who could they trust with their fears and what assurances could they be given to enable them to disclose their concerns?

"The worry at the moment is that people dismiss their anxieties because no one wants to think it of a trusted colleague or friend," said one participant. "There's a big fear around getting involved: people think, if I give information what will happen next? Do I have to follow it through? And we need to get the message across: 'just tell us'."

Internet safety

Alongside the importance of tackling child abuse at its roots – ie in families with problems that can be easily identified – the roundtable participants heard about a number of key areas and stakeholders who could make a difference in the battle to reduce the problem. These include GPs, especially given the recent changes in the way services are commissioned.

"GPs don't want responsibility for this, so there's a huge cultural job to be done with them to get them to take on the issue," said one participant. "But it would make a huge difference."

Internet companies must also be persuaded to police themselves, so that when a new product or service is developed that is likely to be used by children and young people, it has a safety check to ensure it cannot be misappropriated by an abuser.

The onus has so far been on parents, teachers and law-enforcement agents to ensure that internet products are not abused in this way. But, said one participant, recent investigations into the number of individuals (overwhelmingly men) who were suspected of internet misuse illustrates that society cannot effectively tackle the problem from that end.

"No police force in the country can cope with the number of abuse suspects who have come to their attention via the internet," said one participant. "We're going to have to accept that high-tech companies will have to up their game where child protection is concerned."

R.E. Slater - Kindred Fellowships (a poem)

Filming Heaven

The Mountain from TSO Photography on Vimeo.

Serenity, Lake Louise, Banff National Park, Alberta, Canada

Kindred Fellowships

by R.E. Slater

Have you ever watched the morning sun rise
while stalking knee-high clovered fields wet in dew?

Or felt the deep rumble of dark storm cloud's approaching

shrouded within stilled airs soaked in fresh ozone?

Or witnessed a cold fog envelop a murky beach

against a restless sea moving in endless rhythm?

Or listened the wandering night sky's starry silence
upon a far hillside from setting dusk to waking dawn?

In all these things God's handiwork abounds,

written across the laden heavens,

across this good earth we live and breathe,

filling our hearts with wondrous mysteries.

Whose very lives are held so dear,

so adorned by redeeming love,

so cherished by grace and mercy,

so lost in a world so complex and feared.

We, who are the living temples of God's Word,

who tred upon the mounts of His holy creation,

who delve into the Holy's inmost sanctuaries,

impassioned by all that inspires and devotes.

We, who keep the night watches and morning suns,

who inhale the early mists of evening's lingering whispers,

who are blessed and wouldst give blessing,

who seek, and grasp, and fall, and fail.

Let us praise our heavenly Sovereign for His wisdom,

our mighty Creator for all that is good and strong.

Let us sing our Savior's wonders and mercies,

met new everyday upon the souls of men.

Let us seek harmony's peace amid grand fellowships,

giving thanksgiving for heaven's abiding love and devotion.

And for this good earth on whose fellowship we tread,

scribing a poet's inspiration to a Redeemer's heart filled with tears.

- R.E. Slater

June 6, 2014
revised June 7-8, 2014

@copyright R.E. Slater Publications
all rights reserved

Calla Lilies along the Big Sur, Garrapata State Park, California

Huff Post - How to Prepare for Parenthood in 11 Easy Steps

How to Prepare for Parenthood in 11 Easy Steps

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bunmi-laditan/how-to-prepare-for-parenthood-in-11-easy-steps_b_5411134.html

by Bunmi Laditan, Author, The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Life

June 2, 2014

Congratulations, you've decided to reproduce. For a person used to living life on his or her own terms, parenthood can be quite the shock. As with any life change, dutiful preparation can make all the difference in the world. Here are 11 easy steps you can take to prepare:

Step 1

Hire an actor to shadow you throughout your day. This person should remain no more than three inches away from you at all times. Pay them extra to sit in your lap should you attempt to get off of your feet. Bonus points if they trip you with their body when you're walking around your home. From 3 p.m. to 4 p.m., let them jump on your body.

"Can I close the bathroom door?" No. Hire someone you feel comfortable with, because they will be supervising your waste elimination process.

Every 15 minutes, make this person a snack.

Step 2

Call all of your friends without children. Tell them it's been lovely knowing them, but you're going away. Let them know you'll see them on Facebook.

Step 3

It's important that you get used to completing simple tasks while being a parent. Obtain a pair of handcuffs or a zip tie. Affix one hand behind your back. Go about your day.

Step 4

If you plan on driving while being a parent, borrow three orangutans (ask for strong-willed ones) from your local zoo. Put them in rear-facing car seats. Keep your eyes on the road.

Step 5

Cooking is a big part of raising a family. Buy a copy of Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Visit your neighborhood specialty market and acquire the ingredients necessary for her famous beef bourguignon. Spend the next eight hours cooking. When the meal is done, quickly bring it room temperature. Throw the entire pot against a wall. Clean it up.

Step 6

Parenting may slightly affect your sleep patterns. To prepare yourself for this, find the most annoying ringtone on your phone. Ask a stranger on the street to set up 2-3 surprise alarms between midnight and 5 a.m. Live like this for months. If you think you'll be tempted to complain to someone, let them know ahead of time that their only response to you should be, "This is somehow your fault."

Step 7

A huge part of parenting is constant worry. Smart parents-to-be will get themselves used to living life with moderate to severe anxiety. Hire a skywriter to spell out your full name, social security number, home address and blood type over the nearest maximum security prison yard.

Step 8

Start watching children's television programming. You might hear a popping, crackling noise in your head. Don't be alarmed -- that's just the sound of your brain melting.

Step 9

You may be gifted a child who wants to sleep with you. Joy! Practice co-sleeping by having a carpenter craft a special bed for you. Tell him you want it one third of the width of a standard twin bed. Don't use a pillow or sheets. If this is too costly, you can also just sleep curled up in your bathtub.

Step 10

Turning your car into a parent-mobile is easier than you think. All you need are:

18 individual non-matching socks

6 clean diapers in three sizes

2 balled-up pee pee diapers (you can find these in your community dumpster)

6 cups of random crumbs

1/2 cup of strawberry jam or any sticky substance

18 broken toys

2 handfuls of confetti

2 empty juice boxes

changes of clothes for 10 children

Mix these items together on your lawn, being careful to get the jam on everything, then throw it all inside your car and mix thoroughly. Drive around in shame.

Step 11

Visit your local thrift store and buy 10 large garbage bags of clothes. Dump them in your living room. Bring in the orangutans and start folding. Enjoy.

You're now ready. Good luck.

*Bunmi is the author of The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting. This is a humor book, please calm down.

The Parent Rap by Bluefish TV

Relevant Magazine - Top 10 Relationship Killers

The biggest threats to watch out for in your marriage.

Top 10 Relationship Killers

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/top-10-relationship-killers

by Debra K. Fileta

June 5, 2014

Debra K. Fileta is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in Relationship and Marital issues. She is the author of the new book True Love Dates (Zondervan, 2013). Visit www.truelovedates.com and follow her on Twitter to get your dating questions answered and to learn more!

“We’re getting a divorce,” she explained, with a look of disappointment on her face.

Her tone of voice changed as she tried to look on the bright side. “But it’s for the best. Things haven’t been working out for the past few years. We’re just too different.”

Her words echoed in my mind for hours after our conversation ended. I thought about the list of differences my husband and I possess. We are so different in so many ways. Could it really be possible that a couple can be “too different” to have a thriving marriage? The thought didn’t sit well with me.

As a Professional Counselor, every day I see couples who come into therapy with their marriage on life-support. But their struggles often have nothing to do with the trauma of affairs, addictions or abuse. Instead, they are dying a rather slow and painful death.

Phrases like, “We’re too different” or “We’ve grown apart” or “Life has just gotten the best of us” sound so innocent, yet are extremely lethal.

There are so many factors that can get in the way of a good marriage, but often, they are the small, unnoticed things that make their way in. In order to make sure our marriages survive and thrive, here are some relationship killers every couple should be on the lookout for:

1. Family Priorities

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS LIVING IN NEUTRAL, BECAUSE DRIFTING HAPPENS THE MOMENT WE STOP MOVING FORWARD.

The top relationship stress for most couples has little to do with their relationship and much to do with the relationships they are surrounded by. The role of your parents, in-laws, siblings and friends all shift the moment you say “I do,” because when you join together as one, you’ve chosen to put your spouse above all others. Too many marriages are struggling simply due to a lack of priorities—finding themselves pulled by everyone else in every which way, except toward each other. Healthy marriages learn to choose one another above all others.

2. Lack of Communication

It’s true that the average couple invests in quality conversation only a few minutes a day. It’s easy to let life get busy and stop connecting with the one you love. But there’s no such thing as living in neutral, because drifting happens the moment we stop moving forward. Take the time to connect and communicate with your spouse often.

3. Stress

It’s so easy to take our stress out on our spouse. We can get into the habit of holding things in until we’re in the safety and comfort of our home, and then we explode. From financial problems, to illness, job-loss and grief, healthy couples allow their stress to pull them together, by relying on each other, sharing it with one another and carrying the load together.

4. Technology

I read a blog post recently about a guy getting a divorce ... except this guy chose to divorce his phone. But it makes sense, because so many of us carry this dangerous relationship killer right in our back pocket. In the world of technology crazed, iPhone carrying, Facebook posting mania, it’s no joke that we find our time slipping away into the inanimate instead of investing it into the intimate. Unplug, disconnect, shut down—and invest in your spouse.

5. Selfishness

Marriage is one huge, ongoing, life lesson in “unselfishness.” And we’ll either allow the experience to make us better—or we’ll grow bitter. Putting someone first is an incredibly hard task because our flesh is wired to choose self.

Each time we say yes to ourselves, we’re saying no to our marriage, because marriage is not about Him vs. Her, it’s about We vs. Me.

6. Unforgiveness

Forgiving and forgetting are not one in the same. When we fail to realize that, we will hold on to our hurts for a very long time. And eventually those hurts begin wreaking havoc on our lives from the inside out. But forgiveness is not about excusing the other person, it’s about freeing ourselves to receive healing from the God who forgives us time and time and time again.

7. Loose Boundaries

We tend to think about offensive play in marriage, forgetting that defensive strategy is just as important. We can be doing all the right things, while still failing to keep out the things that are harmful. Draw a circle around your marriage, and protect it by guarding your emotions, your interactions, and the way you spend your time.

8. The Past

The most paralyzing thing we can do for our relationship is to define our spouse by their past, rather than by who they are in the present. The past may impact our lives, but it will only control our present if we allow it to. It’s important to be real with one another about our pasts, but more important, to respect one other’s pasts by seeing what God is doing in the life of our spouse here and now. Forget what is behind so that you can move toward what is ahead.

9. Dishonesty

THE MOST PARALYZING THING WE CAN DO FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP IS TO DEFINE OUR SPOUSE BY THEIR PAST, RATHER THAN BY WHO THEY ARE IN THE PRESENT.

Why is a small lie just as dangerous as a big lie? Because they both have the same impact on intimacy. Honesty in marriage is like the chain that holds you together. Removing one link or 10 links does the same thing: it causes separation. If you’ve made mistakes in your relationship or have been hiding things from your spouse, now is the time to seek truth and confession; because a relationship riddled with dishonesty is no relationship at all.

10. Pride

“I am my biggest marriage problem” is the theme of Paul Tripp’s work in the field of relationships. To be able to look in, then, is the greatest step toward nourishing a relationship—to be aware enough to recognize and restore your flaws and shortcomings before fixating on those of your spouse. But the sting of pride can make that really hard to do. It’s so much easier to point the finger and to shift the blame. But the moment you let go of your responsibility, you’ve let go of your relationship—because no matter what the issue at hand: it always takes two.

It’s time to consider where you’ve let your guard down before these sly intruders make their way in. May God continue to give you the wisdom to recognize these patterns and to lookout for the “small stuff” by protecting, nourishing and prioritizing your marriage.

This article was originally posted at truelovedates.com.