Confronting Christians with a God of Love or a God of Violence

Do Christians Serve a Janus-Faced God?

What does "loving our neighbor"mean in terms of a loving and responsible God? Perhaps this can be better defined by "what is it not?" In truth, it is the world which is seeing more clearly now than the church has been. What!? Has the Gospel changed? You bet. And for the better because parts of the church is trying to focus on universal solidarity rather than on particular exceptionalism.

And what about the bible? Is the OT wrong when interpreting God as violent, full of wrath, and judgmental? Or is it right when the Psalmist declares "God is good?"

So who gets to interpret this God of the OT? Perhaps we should let Jesus do this for whom our Christian creeds proclaim "Was-and-Is the Living God come to live amongst us."

But what about the NT's apocalypticisms's declaring the Living God will come back in wrath to condemn the quick and the dead? Is this the correct reading of the bible as continuation of the OT's declarations? Or, was Jesus the perfect picture of God who died for us at our cruel hands upon his holy personage?

Perhaps, its not God who comes to judge us but our own sin which will tear this old world apart should we not heed God's call to commit to loving one another even to the point of sacrificing our lives for each other for love's sake. Certainly this is not the kind of victorious Gospel we wish to read here. Especially in an America so use to writing its own mimetic scripts of worthiness in comparison to the "other" nations of the world!

The Janus-faced God

http://search.credoreference.com/content/topic/janus_roman_deity

But what if the script of our actions has been wrong? And what if our script of a vengeful, war-like God, has been wrong? And what if our responsibility is to be in solidarity with this sin-torn world rather than as its enemy? Well, as Jesus might say, these are a lot of "what-ifs" to answer should we be wrong about His gospel of love, mercy, peace, and forgiveness; a gospel which is without a sword, or a military, but one filled with sacrificial servants serving humanity for God's sake if not for our own as a society in solidarity with one another.

If so, then the popular gospel of "who's in and who's out" we hold in our heads doesn't match up with the gospel written in Jesus' blood demanding us to throw away its worthless rags for a better one. One that will tear apart the old wineskins of hatred and repression for an expanding and fermenting wineskin of solidarity and love. The Christian gospel must be a gospel with no tolerance for an unloving, violent God. Why? For such a God is a kind of God whom we must act out as His hands and feet. As a friend has said:

"You cannot separate the belief in the violent God (who is planning on sending all the gays to be tortured forever in Hell) from the acts of violence committed in his name. Reading the Bible in a way that ends up with a god who you have to keep reminding people was “vengeful and full of wrath” has real-world consequences." - Michael Hardin

And if this be the case than it is us who must change in our reading of the bible towards a bible wider than we thought, more inclusive of those than we, as its Pharisees, would wish to behold. A bible that washes feet with crushed hearts, opens blinded eyes with incredulity, and beholds Jesus coming in the clouds to save us - not to rip mankind apart.

Peace,

R.E. Slater

June 15, 2016

*ps - the following article gets my full approval.

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Before We Forget About Orlando,

Here Are 4 Ways Christians Need To Change

https://theboeskool.com/2016/06/14/before-we-forget-about-orlando-here-are-4-ways-christians-need-to-change/

by theboeskool

June 14, 2016

Outrage is like catnip to some people…myself included. We find an issue to be mad about, we make a couple of Tweets, and we post some articles on Facebook… And that’s about it. But the kind of anger we experience is meant to spur us into ACTION. Instead, we get the relief of being angry about things, and even experiencing some corporate outrage in the echo chambers of social media… Then we feel a little bit better, and move onto the next issue–But nothing really CHANGES. It’s a counterfeit. And then–a few months later–when the same exact sort of injustice happens again, we’re left wondering, “Why hasn’t anyone DONE something about this!?!” Well, before we all more on to the next issue, I’d like to suggest a few things that actually need to change… Particularly within my tribe: Christianity.

1. Change The Way You Read The Bible

Stop reading the Bible the way that ISIS reads the Qur’an. The people who commit horrible acts like what happened in Orlando are the sort of people who are CERTAIN that their way of understanding scripture is the one right way. If you are the kind of person who tries to quote a verse in Leviticus to “prove” that God hates homosexuality, you are part of the problem. And if you are the sort of person who thinks one verse that has Jesus telling his disciples to “buy a sword” negates the overwhelming call for nonviolence on Jesus’ followers, again, you are part of the problem. The shooter’s father said (in a video comment), “The issue of homosexuality and its punishment–all that they do–God himself will give punishment to homosexuality. It is not for people to decide.” This way of seeing things isn’t about Christianity or about Islam.. It’s about fundamentalism. It’s about a dangerous certainty that informs the way people read scripture, and interprets what is read as having God be for *them* and against everyone else.

If you feel threatened when you see a flag like this,
you are probably reading the Bible the wrong way…

I don’t care what religion you call yourself–You cannot separate the belief in the violent God (who is planning on sending all the gays to be tortured forever in Hell) from the acts of violence committed in his name. Reading the Bible in a way that ends up with a god who you have to keep reminding people was “vengeful and full of wrath” has real-world consequences. And right now we are seeing the fruits of those beliefs in a hate-filled God… We are seeing the fruits of the garbage that is “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” This. Needs. To change. There are other ways to read and understand the Bible (THIS IS THE BEST EXPLANATION OF THAT I HAVE EVER READ).

2. Change The Way You Pray

Telling people you are “praying for them,” while believing that the god you are praying to hates them enough to send them to Hell is one of the most F’ed Up things that I can imagine. Most of those same people probably believe that I’m going to Hell also. And I totally get why you’d think I’m going to Hell… We believe in completely different Gods! You believe in the god who hates his enemies, and I believe in the God who LOVES his enemies. Either way, if our prayers are to have any significance at all, our prayers need to become loving actions. Otherwise, what are they worth? In the Bible, James writes about this…

“What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?Suppose you see a brother or a sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”–but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.”

There was a neat story about Chick-Fil-A workers going into work on a Sunday (when Chick-Fil-A is usually closed) and making sandwiches to give to the people who were waiting in-line to give blood. And as awesome as this is, if it’s done out of some desire to save people from hellfire, it is “dead and meaningless.” We’re not trying to feed people as a means to an end… Hoping to get them to say some meaningless, magical prayer that will save them FROM a monstrous God who is sending everyone but a very select few to be tortured forever. We feed people because they are hungry. We feed people because they are people. We love people because they are worthy of being loved. And we remind them that they have infinite worth, and that there is a Force in the universe that loves them wildly… Regardless of where they are from. Regardless of what name they have for God. Regardless of what they have or what they look like… And yes–Regardless of who they love.

If you don’t feel comfortable sitting next to people in church, you probably don’t have any business
telling them they are in your #ThoughtsAndPrayers. This photo was taken by the amazing Tabitha
Hawk… A member of our Church.

All over the place, we saw people summoning “Thoughts and Prayers” for the victims in Orlando, and for their families… But many of the people making those pleas were the very same folks who have been actively working to pass laws that make it legal for people to discriminate against the sorts of people who might go to a club like Pulse on a Saturday night. And those same folks call for a”moment of silence” in honor of the ones who died? I agree with Rep. Jim Hines, who said that these, “smug, self-empowering moments of silence in the House… do absolutely nothing for anybody.” If there is any sort of abomination involved here, it is the process of going through the motions of “honoring” a group of people you believe are worthless–Or at least worth less. Keep your moments of silence. Silence is what the LGBT community has been getting for a very long time from many of our elected leaders… I doubt they need any more. Which leads me to my next change…

3. Change The Way You Vote

Somewhere around 90% of Americans favor stricter gun control laws. Do you have any idea how hard it is right now to get 90% of Americans to agree on ANYTHING?!? It is next to impossible. There is absolutely no rational reason for people to be able to buy military weapons that are designed to kill many people in a very short amount of time. And even though the republican allegiance to the NRA is easier to see, this is far from an issue that is split down party lines… There are plenty of democrats who are bought and sold by the NRA as well. These are people who profit off of our fear, and they need to be voted out. This is a public health crisis. As Nicholas Kristof wrote (and was proven true), “More Americans have died from guns in the United States since 1968 than on battlefields of all the wars in American history.” Yet we have a legislature that is so owned by the NRA that it doesn’t allow our government to keep statistics on gun deaths anymore, or even STUDY gun violence. President Obama explains this better than I could ever hope to in this video:

Why restrict 'good' gun owners, resident asks

President Obama at town hall meeting

[Held at a town hall meeting in Elkhart, Indiana, on June 1, 2016,

Hosted by PBS NewsHour co-anchor Gwen Ifill.]

This video is so very important for all of us to watch. This situation is not hopeless.There are things we can do to make our world safer. And save lives. If you want to call yourself “Pro-Life,” then BE pro life. We have an election right around the corner. Please–If you care about this, vote in a way that reflects that concern. Twenty of the lives that were lost in Newtown were kids. These 49 young lives taken in Orlando were people’s children.If all of the people who claimed to be Christians voted in a way that reflected actually being “Pro-life” for more than just Life Before Birth, we could actually DO SOMETHING to make these sorts of tragedies less likely. And I realize people will say things like “People who want to murder can do it with a knife or a hammer” or “Cars kill people–should we ban those too?” or some other BS… But here’s the thing: Cars have uses other than killing people. And if this jack hole in Orlando had walked into that night club with a knife or a hammer, there would be a whole lot fewer calls that had to be made to parents, explaining that the child they love has been killed by a madman–A maniac who we have guaranteed the right to freely purchase a weapon of mass destruction. I get it–Murderers are still going to murder… But we don’t have to make it so easy for them.

4. Change Where You Go To Church

If you go to a church that doesn’t welcome queer folks every bit as fully as you would welcome straight people, you can keep your #ThoughtsAndPrayers. The Church was never meant to be a place of exclusion. The way Christians have treated the LGBT community will soon be looked back on in the same shameful way we look back on the way the Church justified discrimination and hatred and exclusion of People of Color and women. If you feel your heart breaking and changing and evolving on the issue of inclusion within Christianity, you don’t have to stay in a place that preaches exclusion. There are other options… Churches like the one my family and I attend. Last year a whole bunch of people from our church went to Nashville’s Pride event, and we walked in the rain along side our LGBT brothers and sisters, as people calling themselves “Christians” shouted hateful garbage through their megaphones. It was lovely… the day was filled with the kindest folks you’ll ever meet. I took my kids. They loved it. Here’s a picture from last year’s Pride:

That’s me over on the right, along with a couple of my kiddos. We can’t wait to go back this
month… And no act of violence by some deranged fundamentalist could keep us from
returning to stand with our friends.

My life is so much richer for having people in it who are different than me. And belonging to a faith community that reflects that reality has been so life-giving. I feel so sorry for those people who go to a church where they feel like they may be the only person in the building who cried their eyes out watching “Rent.” There is no reason why anyone should feel trapped in a church that is focused on exclusion. If the people you are surrounded with respond to tragedies like the Orlando massacre with demonization of Muslims, blaming of immigrants, calls for even more weapons of war, and silence on the hypocrisy of prayers to a God who supposedly looks on these victim’s orientation as being one that is worthy of death, THERE ARE OTHER PLACES FOR YOU TO GO TO CHURCH. Vote with your feet. Christianity has never been about exclusion. If your church community is more about who it keeps out than who it welcomes in, you are in the wrong kind of church. If Christianity is to be worth anything at all, then we must be allies and advocates and friends to the vulnerable people around us. We must be examples of rational minds and radical love… And not the other way around.

Phillip J. Long - Discussion of 1 Enoch, Part 5

The Third Parable – 1 Enoch 58-63

https://readingacts.com/2016/06/14/the-third-parable-1-enoch-58-63/

by Phillip J. Long

June 14, 2016

Chapters 58-71 contain the third “parable” of the Similitudes. Chapter 58 introduces this last parable concerns the “glorious portion” awaiting the righteous and elect. The content of the parable is more concerned with revealing to Enoch mysteries and secrets of creation and the angelic order. Chapter 59, for example, is a brief description of the mysteries of lightning and thunder. Enoch is taught how to divine good or bad from thunder and lightning.

Chapters 60-61 are lengthy descriptions of creation not unlike the final chapters of the book of Job. In the opening paragraph Enoch is caught up into heaven where he sees millions of angels and the Antecedent of Time sitting on a throne surrounded by glory. As is typical in apocalyptic vision literature, Enoch is struck with great fear by the amazing scene and is unable to stand. Michael the archangel lifts Enoch and strengthens him. Michael explains to Enoch that the day of mercy has lasted until the present time but now a day of punishment has arrived (60:1-6).

Two mythical monsters have been prepared for this day, Leviathan from the “fountains of the Waters” and Behemoth who holds an invisible desert in his chest. This desert is called Dunadayin, possibly the “land of Nod” from Genesis 4:16 (OTP1:40, note p).

In verses 11-25 another angel gives Enoch a “tour” of the storerooms of heaven, concluding with the two monsters turning into food for the righteous in the garden (60:24-25). The garden is measured in chapter 61 by angles using long ropes. By measuring the garden the angels seem to be defining the place not only where the elect ones will dwell but who the elect are – the dead will return and stay in the place along with the Lord of Spirits and his Elect One. Measuring has a connotation of both protection (Zech.2:1-5) and judgment (2 Kings 21:13, Amos 7:7-9 Isaiah 34:11) in the Old Testament. The most important “measuring” scene in the background of 1 Enoch is likely Ezekiel 40:1-42:20, cf. Revelation 10.

After the garden is measured, the Elect One is placed on his “throne of glory” by the Lord of Spirits and all of the elect worship him (61:8-9). This worship is joined by all of the ranks of angels in heaven, all singing with one voice “Blessed is he and may the name of the Lord of Spirits be blessed forever and evermore” (61:12). Even the Elect One is included in this worship.

Chapters 62 and 63 turn to the fate of the “ruling class” who have oppressed the righteous. The rulers of this world are commanded to look upon the Elect One, who in chapter 60 was placed on a throne of glory by the Lord of Spirits. Now it is the Lord of Spirits who is seated on the throne of glory and the spirit of righteousness is poured out on him (62:2). Heb. 12:23 is quite similar to the overall context of the third similitude, although there is no direct connection. Those who have demonstrated faith have come to the holy city (rather than a garden) along with thousands upon thousands of angels, the “elect” in the form of the church, and to God, the judge of all and all the men who have the “spirit of righteousness.”

This judgment is described as “birth pangs” (62:4); all the kings of the earth will be terrified and dejected when they see “that Son of Man” who was concealed by the Most High One until he was revealed to his elect ones (62:7). The elect will rejoice over the judgment of their oppressors (62:12) and will dwell with the Son of Man in peace “forever and ever” (62:14). This congregation of the elect will have “risen from the earth” and will be clothed with eternal “garments of glory” given to them by the Lord of Spirits (62:15-16). Those who are under the judgment of the Lord of Spirits worship the Lord and beg for mercy and confess what they have done (63:1-10). This long prayer by the judged seems to underscore the righteousness of the judgment against them. The Lord of Spirits is correct and fair in his condemnation of the kings of the earth.

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The Third Parable – 1 Enoch 64-71

https://readingacts.com/2016/06/15/the-third-parable-1-enoch-64-71/

by Phillip J. Long

June 15, 2016

Chapters 64-69 returns to the subject of the judgment of the Flood. After a brief note describing the fallen angels who sinned in the earth (chapter 61), the narration shifts to Noah. In chapter 65 Noah goes to his grandfather Enoch and complains about the wickedness in the world. Enoch responds by crying out sorrowfully and predicting the destruction of the world. In 65:6-12 Enoch describes the sins of the world which have resulted in the coming deluge.

Enoch then shows to Noah the angels who have been prepared to cause the destruction of the flood (65). Noah is told by the Lord that the angels have constructed an ark which he will bless to preserve Noah and his family so that they alone survive the coming flood. The flood is intended to imprison the fallen angels although the flood waters will be a poison to the kings and princes of the world (67:8-9). These kings and princes are punished because they denied the “spirit of the Lord (67:8, 10). Michael instructs Noah in the “secret things” which were written in Enoch’s book (68:1). Michael and Raphael lament the destruction of the flood, but agree it is a just judgment (68:2-5).

Chapter 69 forms a conclusion to the flood narrative by listing the names (onomastica) of the fallen angels along with their role in bringing sin to humanity. Twenty-one names are listed in verse two, nearly the same list as in 6:7. Several names are listed with additional commentary:

Yeqôn – the one who lead the angels to come to earth in the first place.

Asb’êl – The angel who advised the other angels to go to the daughters of men.

Gâdr’êl – The angel who lead Eve astray and taught men to kill; he shows humans how to make weapons and armor, the “instruments of death.”

Pênêm’e – The angel who taught men the secret wisdom of making paper and ink, causing men to sin “eternity to eternity and until this day.”

Kâsdeyâ – This angel taught humans “wicked smitings” of “flagellations of evil,” including how to smite an embryo in the womb to kill it (i.e., abortion).

The angel Bîqâ has a hidden name which he reveals to Michael when he swears an oath (66:16-26). This secret oath describes all of creation as glorifying God and thanking him forever. The oath results in great joy because that “the Son of Man” has been revealed. Here the Son of Man is described as eternal (“he will never pass away from the earth,” verse 27) and once again seated on a throne of glory in judgment.

Chapters 70-71 form an appendix to the Similitudes since the last line of chapter 69 is the end of the third parable. In this appendix Enoch is taken to heaven in a “wind chariot” and placed between two winds. An angel measures the place of the elect where Enoch sees the patriarchs of old (70:4). His spirit continues to ascend until he is in the “heaven of heavens” (71:5). There he sees a structure made of crystals with four sides, surrounded by “living fire.” He sees countless angels, including the four archangels, all worshiping the Antecedent of Days. From this point on there will be peace and righteousness (71:15-16). The elect will dwell with “that Son of Man” who rules in the name of the Lord of Spirits forever.

The elect will dwell with “that Son of Man” who rules in the name of the Lord of Spirits forever. Who is this son of man? The “Head of Days” tells Enoch that “You (are) that Son of Man who was born for righteousness” (71:14). Charles dropped this line from his translation since he did not think the author would identify Enoch as the son of man, but as VanderKam points out, “Charles’s tour de force, however, has no foundation in the MSS” (1 Enoch 2, 328). The suggestion that the Head of Days says Enoch is “a son of man” is also rejected by VanderKam. He concludes the phrase does identify Enoch as the son of man, but this is “an installation formula,” commissioning Enoch. It is perhaps “a first step toward the angelification” of Enoch in the Enoch literature.

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The Parables of 1 Enoch and the New Testament

https://readingacts.com/2016/06/16/the-parables-of-1-enoch-and-the-new-testament/

by Phillip J. Long

June 16, 2016

The general apocalyptic context of the parables section of 1 Enoch may provide context for the reading of the New Testament, especially the Gospels. When John the Baptist and Jesus appear preaching the Kingdom of God as “at hand,” the original audience would have been quite familiar with the phrase and all that it represented. For the Jew of the first century, the idea of “kingdom” was clear – it was to be the time when God reestablished Israel in the Land. 1 Enoch shares many of these ideas, especially the Book of Parables. It is difficult to know the extent to which the language and themes of the Parables influenced popular thinking in first century Palestine, especially since this section is the only part of 1 Enoch missing from the Qumran literature. With these caveats in mind, the following themes seem to be present in both the Parables and the Gospels.

First, this section anticipates a time of suffering and testing for the elect. The righteous have suffered and shed blood (47:1-2, 4). In 56:5-8 the Parthians and Medes will invade and trample the holy city. The righteous are downcast (62:15) and are being afflicted by the wicked (50:1). The suffering of the elect is not as detailed as the eventual suffering of the wicked, although it is implied in the descriptions of the wicked. The suffering of the wicked is described as birth-pains (62:4). In the Olivet Discourse Jesus used similar language to describe the period just prior to the Parousia. The Similitudes do not have anything like the suffering described in Revelation or the Olivet Discourse, but there is an implication throughout that the righteous are “innocent victims” of the evil schemes of the fallen angels and the kings of this world.

Second, this time of suffering will come to an end when “that Son of Man” is placed on his glorious throne and judges the oppressors. When the Elect One comes the day of salvation has come for the righteous (39:6-7, 50:1-2, 51:2, 62:12-13) and the whole earth will rejoice in the in the coming of the Elect One (51:4-5). The coming of the Elect One will result in rest from oppression for the righteous (53:6-7). The elect one will sit on a “throne of glory” to establish justice (45:3-5, 62:3) The righteous will become like the light of the sun and the days of their life will be unending (58:1-3, 61:5-6). Heaven and earth will be transformed into a blessing (44:5-6) and there will be a period of peace. In fact, it was the fallen angels who taught man to make war and weapons of war. The Elect One will restore man to his peaceful state. (52:8-9).

Third, the judgment of the wicked and sinners is quite detailed in 1 Enoch. When the Righteous One appears, the sinners “will be driven from the face of the earth” (38:1) and melt like wax, powerless (52:6). The Elect One will judge Azaz’el and “all the hosts in the name of the Lord of Spirits” (55:4). Kings and rulers will perish (38:5) and the sinner will not be allowed to ascend into heaven (45:2). The Elect One will sit on the seat of glory to make a selection based on the deeds (45:3, 61:8) and there will be no time for repentance for the wicked (62:1-4). Angelic beings are set aside for punishing the kings of this world (53:3-5). The wicked will be punished in a deep valley of burning fire and molten metal where they will be in chains with rough stones on their jaws (54:1-6, 67:6). They will be scourged by “angels of punishment” in this abyss-like valley (56:1-4, 67:1-8) The judgments which will fall on the sinners are called “punishments” (41:2, 53:3, 54:7, 56:1, 60:6) and “wrath” (55:3, 60:12). In later apocalyptic the punishment of the wicked is described in increasingly gory detail (100:3, cf. Ezek. 39:17; Rev 14:20, SibOr. 3:796-808).

In the teaching of Jesus there are a number of parables which make the same sort of statements about the coming messianic age. At that time there will be a harvest and the good wheat will be separated from the bad weeds (Mt 13:24-30) or clean fish from the unclean (13:47-50). In each of these two examples, the “bad” element is placed in a place of fire (a furnace, to be burned up) but the “good” element is placed where it ought to go (the barn, for example.) The Olivet Discourse contains five parables which run along the same lines. There is an unproductive or unprepared character (a lazy servant, foolish virgin, the “goat”) who faces judgment at the surprise return of the delayed central character (the master, the bridegroom, the king). The productive and prepared characters are rewarded by the central character when he unexpectedly returns.

Fourth, the last of these parables is the most eschatological, the so-called Parable of the Sheep and the Goats. Jesus constantly refers to himself as the Son of Man in the gospels, a title that is probably derived from Daniel 7:13-14, where someone who is “like a son of man” comes before the ancient of Days to receive the authority to rule (see Mt 19:28, Rev. 1:13). There is little doubt that his disciples could miss his point that this is the “second coming” that they asked about at the beginning of chapter 24. There is a combination of several metaphors in this passage. Jesus is the Son of Man, the King of Glory, and the Great Shepherd all at the same time. This glorious arrival of the Son of Man is accompanied by “all his angels” (Zech. 14:5). When the Son of Man returns as king, he will sit upon a glorious throne and judge the nations, assigning them to their eternal destiny. This general outline is quite compatible with the general apocalyptic outline of the Similitudes.

Fifth, one of the more striking parallels to Elect One / Lord of Spirits is Luke 4:18. Jesus reads from Isaiah 61:1-2, “the Spirit of the Lord has anointed me,” and applies this text to himself. In Matthew 25:31 the King returns and is seated in his “glorious throne” and gathers the nations to judge them, an apocalyptic influenced parable-like saying in which Jesus makes it clear he is the returning king. The frequent self-description of Jesus as the “Son of Man” is also critical in this context. When Jesus used this phrase, along with many of the other apocalyptic images used in the Similitudes, did his original listeners hear them in the context of texts like 1 Enoch 61 and 62? When he cited Isaiah 61:1-2 as fulfilled that day, his hearers certainly understood Jesus was claiming something extraordinary although we cannot be sure exactly what it was they were reacting to in Jesus’ claim.

Sixth, those who possess salvation are often described in terms of pure clean garments in the New Testament (62:15, 71:1). Paul describes salvation as a “heavenly dwelling” and garment in 2 Cor. 5:2-4. Revelation makes use of this image several times: 3:5-6 describes the righteous in Sardis as not having “soiled their clothes” while the unrighteous of Laodicea still shamefully naked. Several times in Revelation those who worship the throne of God are described as “dressed in white” (4:4, 6:11, 7:9, 13, 14, 19:14).

Conclusion. Although there is no New Testament text that can be described as a quote or a direct allusion to the Book of Parables in 1 Enoch, some of the writers if the New Testament have the same apocalyptic spirit. This is not surprising since both are products of Second Temple period Judaism.

Phillip J. Long - Discussion of 1 Enoch, Part 4

The Second Parable – 1 Enoch 45-49

https://readingacts.com/2016/06/09/the-second-parable-1-enoch-45-49/

by Phillip J. Long

June 9, 2016

The second parable in the Book of Similitudes (chapters 45-57) is a description of the eschatological judgment of the wicked and the vindication of the righteous. In many ways this is the most interesting section of the parables so I will break it up over three posts. The parable begins with a description of what happens to those who deny the name of the Lord of Spirits. Chapter 45 is a poetic introduction to the second section and describes “that day” when “my Elect One will sit on the seat of glory” (verse 3-4). Heaven and earth will be transformed and the righteous will dwell on the new earth.

Chapter 46 describes the Elect One and is one of the critical sections in First Enoch. He will have a head white like wool and have a countenance full of grace. This description is similar to the angel in Daniel 10, and the description of Jesus in Revelation 1. 1 Enoch likely stands in between these two descriptions; Revelation and 1 Enoch are dependent on Daniel 10. He will be born among human beings and have a face of a human, and is a “prototype of the Before-Time” (verse 3). He will be “that Son of Man” on whom righteousness dwells. This Son of Man will open up the hidden storehouses and is destined to be victorious before the Lord of Spirits (46:3). The One will remove kings from their comfortable seats and strong ones from their thrones, loosen the reins of the strong and crush the teeth of sinners (46:4). The faces of the strong will be slapped and they will be filled with shame and have no hope (46:6).

This “reversal” may be important for the setting of the ministry of John the Baptist who describes the coming messianic age in terms of a “settling” of scores (Luke 2:7-19). Jesus’ extended condemnation of the Pharisees in Matthew 23 certainly has a “reversal” motif. Similarly, in Matthew 7:15-23 Jesus says that not all who are expected to be “in the kingdom” will be – even those who claim to do miracles in the Lord’s name (the parable of the Wise and Foolish Virgins in Matthew 25:1-13). While 1 Enoch clearly has the nations in mind, Jesus’ idea of reversal seems to operate on a spiritual level. Those who think they are spiritually prepared for the kingdom may not be and may find themselves on the outside when the kingdom comes. [this would include those in the church as well contra popular thought - res]

The prayer of the righteous is recorded in chapter 47. The prayers and blood of the righteous go up to heaven before the Lord of Spirits all of the time. Enoch sees the “Antecedent of Time” sitting on his throne, with the books opened before him (Dan 7:10, 12:1, Rev 20:12-15). As the righteous worship him, he prepares to judge. In Chapter 48:1-2 Enoch sees the fountains of wisdom. Earlier in chapter 42 wisdom was searching for a place to dwell, now wisdom is pictured as a fountain in heaven from to which all may come and drink.

After this, the Son of man receives a name in the presence of the Lord of Spirits (48:3), but it is a name which is given to him from before the beginning of time. This Son of Man appears, therefore, to pre-exist, since we read in 48:6 he was chosen before the creation of the world. He will become a “staff for the righteous ones,” people may lean on him and not fall; he will be the hope of the sick and all who dwell on the earth will worship him (48:4-5, cf. 62:6, 9, 63, 90:37; Ps. 72:9, 11; Phil. 2:10.) He will be the light of the Gentiles (Isa. 42:6, 49:6, cf. Luke 2:32) and the righteous will be saved by his name (48:7).

There are many obvious parallels to the presentation of Jesus as the Messiah in the New Testament. As I suggested earlier, caution is necessary because this section does not appear in Dead Sea Scrolls. This means there is always the possibility of Christian editing of this text to give additional support to a particular view of Jesus. On the other hand, even this section of 1 Enoch stands in a stream of messianic expectations beginning in the Hebrew Bible. It should come as no surprise a Jewish apocalyptic movement like the earliest Christians should be similar to the expectations of 1 Enoch.

All these writers were reading the same prophets from the Hebrew Bible and attempting to apply those prophecies to their own experiences.

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The Second Parable – 1 Enoch 50-52

https://readingacts.com/2016/06/10/the-second-parable-1-enoch-50-52/

by Phillip J. Long

June 10, 2016

James VanderKam calls this section a “Scenario for the End Time” because all of the powerful beings will be humiliated “in those days.” They will delivered into the hand of the Chosen One like grass to the fire or lead to the water. The image of grass being taken to a fire at the time of the harvest is used by Jesus in several parables (for example, the wheat and the tares, Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43). The reason they are delivered for judgment is that they have denied the name of the Lord of Spirits and his Messiah. Isaacs translates this as Messiah, although it is possible to translate it simply as “anointed one” (Charles).

Chapter 50 describes the renewal of the righteous from their time of weariness. This includes a judgment in which the sinners receive evil and the righteous receive good. The righteous are to be saved through the “name of the Lord of Spirits” who will lead people to repentance. This chapter stresses the justice of the judgment of the Lord of Spirits – “oppression cannot escape him.” Those who are under his judgment no longer receive mercy (verse 5).

Chapter 51 is in many ways the most important chapter in the Similitudes for New Testament studies since it deals with the resurrection of the dead. The context is eschatological (“in those days,” parallel to the judgment in 50:1). Sheol will give up all the dead and the “Elect One” will sit on his throne and pick out of the risen dead the holy ones (50:1-2). The elect will sit on the throne of the Lord (51:3) and hear wisdom from the mouth of the Elect One. After this resurrection, the “mountains will skip like rams” and the whole earth will rejoice (51:5). This is an allusion to Psalm 114:4 and the messianic age. Verse four possibly connects the resurrection of the dead to the rising of the Elect One.

Chapter 52 describes a series of mountains made up of various metals (iron, copper, silver, gold, a “colored metal” and lead. When the Elect One arrives, these mountains all melt like honeycomb before fire and become like water at his feet. The mountains seem to represent the nations of the world (similar to the metals in Daniel 2, although there it is a single statue rather than mountains.) That the mountains will melt before the coming Messiah is found in several Old Testament prophets. The mountains seem to be “the nations” in this section of 1 Enoch since in chapter 54 the mountains “become flat” (cf., John the Baptist in Luke 3:1-6) in the presence of the righteous when the kings of the earth are thrown into a valley of burning fire. This chapter clearly connects the Elect One and the Messiah (verses 4, 6).

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A Final Judgment– 1 Enoch 53-57

https://readingacts.com/2016/06/13/a-final-judgment-1-enoch-53-57/

by Phillip J. Long

June 13, 2016

Judgment imagery comes to a climax in chapters 53-57 with Enoch’s visions based on a deep valley. At first Enoch sees a vision of a deep valley filled with “gifts and tribute” brought by all the inhabitants of the earth. This tribute does nothing to stop the judgment, however (“the valley will never be filled”) and the sinners are judged by the Lord of Spirits. In verse three the prophet sees angels preparing the “chains of Satan.” One is tempted to find a parallel to Revelation 20 (Satan is himself bound by an angel with a chain and put into the Abyss), but these chains are for the kings of the earth.

David Aune lists 1 Enoch 54 as an example of the common an “apocalyptic motif” of the binding of Satan or other angelic beings, along with 2 Apoc Baruch 56:13,SibOr 2.289, Jude 6, 2 Peter 2:4 (Revelation 17-22, 1081). Of Aune’s suggested allusions, only Revelation 20 describes the binding of Satan with chains. These chains are for the armies of Azaz’el (54:5) who are cast into the abyss. It is the four archangels who seize the kings and cast them into the furnace of fire prepared for that day. This judgment is described as a “vengeance” by the Lord of Spirits because these kings performed oppressive deeds as messengers of Satan.

Once the kings of the world are bound, the Elect one reveals the “house of his congregation” and the “mountains become flat” (53:6-7). This is probably a reference to the judgment of all of the kingdoms of the earth when the Messiah reveals and establishes his rule. In the Gospels, John the Baptist connects the leveling of mountains and filling of valleys from Isaiah 40:3-5 with the coming of the messianic age (Luke 3:5), although this is often taken as a leveling of ethical social barriers in the ministry of Jesus. For example, Darrel Bock suggests “the images call the hearer of John’s message to realize that God is coming in judgment and that only the humble who rely on him will be spared” (Luke 1:1-9:50, 294).

In 54:7-55:2 there is a brief insertion from what may be the lost “Book of Noah” (OTP 38, note e; Charles, Commentary, 2:221 states Jubilees 10:13 and 21:10 mention a “Book of Noah.”) There are some notable differences in this section which mark it out as different from the rest of the Similitudes. For example, God is called the Antecedent of Time (55:1) as well as the Lord of Spirits. Distinct flood imagery is found in this paragraph (the waters above and below, the sign of the rainbow, etc.). The eschatological judgment is missing in favor of the historical judgment of the flood.

The demon Azaz’el himself is judged in 55:3-56:4 by the Elect One himself, sitting on his throne of glory in the name of the Lord of Spirits. (The name Azaz’el has unfortunately been used in many books and films.) This is an important text because the eschatological judgment is given by the Lord of Spirits to the Elect One. In John 5:22 Jesus states the Father has entrusted judgment to the Son. While this verse is not obviously eschatological, Revelation 4-5 seems to expand on this theme. In these two chapters, the “one who sits on the throne” has a sealed scroll, which appears from the context to be “judgment” on the world. But the “one who sits on the throne” is unable to open the scroll and execute judgment. It is only the “Lamb who was slain” who is worthy to execute the judgments found in the scroll. That God would hand the final eschatological judgment over to a representative seems to be consistent with the apocalyptic scheme of 1 Enoch.

After Azaz’el and his armies are judged angels are sent with nets to collect the “elect” in order to fill the crevices of the abyss-like valley. These elect are those kings of the earth who followed Azaz’el – verse four indicates they will no longer lead others astray. In 56:5-8 we are told that the angels will assemble against the Parthians and the Medes. The Parthians will be stirred to battle and overrun the land of the elect ones, Israel. (Charles suspected 56:5-57:3 to be an interpolation since it is far more specific than anything else in the Similitudes. Commentary, 2:221).

This army will become confused when they get to the city of righteousness (Jerusalem) and will begin to attack one another. Armies which become confused and destroy themselves are not uncommon in the Old Testament, see Judges 7 and 1 Samuel 14. Sheol will “open her mouth” and swallow up all of the sinners “in the presence of the elect ones.” The vision of the second parable ends with a description of a vast army of chariots riding in the air from the east to the west. The army is so loud the foundations of the earth shake and can be heard from one end of the earth to the other. As a result of this army, all will fall down and worship the Lord of Spirits (verse 3).

Alleviating the Ache of Loneliness

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ALLEVIATING THE ACHE OF LONELINESS

http://markgregorykarris.com/emotional-healing/undoing-ache-loneliness/

by Mark Gregory Karris

June 11, 2016

There is an enormous amount of suffering in the world. Not only do I experience my own suffering, but as a therapist I continually go scuba diving into the suffering of others. As I gently wade through the currents of my patient’s stories of trauma, I continually pick up on a theme that causes my heart to break. Perhaps I pick up on it easily because it is something I have felt and is an experience know all too well – the sting of loneliness. Loneliness is that crushing feeling that we are disconnected from others and we are existentially alone in our emotional/spiritual/physical pain.

Loneliness is probably best thought of on a spectrum of intensity and frequency. There are those who experience chronic loneliness and those who experience state and transitory loneliness. In other words, there are some who have felt a nagging sense of loneliness their whole lives. They could be in a room filled with people and still feel lonely. There are others who feel lonely for moments at a time and then come back to baseline and feel a sense of connectedness with others. There are also those who are in between. Perhaps they felt connected at one time, yet due to painful transitions and life circumstances they find themselves lonely for a season.

Loneliness is fearless and is not prejudice. It does not care about roles, status or labels. I have counseled CEOs, pastors of megachurches, military officers, esteemed therapists, talented musicians, store clerks, housewives. The subjective and often times debilitating experience of loneliness effects people from every walk of life.

Loneliness is kryptonite for human beings and has holistically devastating consequences. Mother Theresa wrote, “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” John Cacioppo, one of the leading researchers in the world on loneliness, says that around 60 million people in the U.S. are affected by loneliness. His research concludes that loneliness increases suicide, lowers a person’s immune system so they get sick more easily, decreases the quality of sleep, and is associated with increased negative views about themselves and the people around them.

If you struggle with loneliness, let me offer a few thoughts.

Time to Get a Wit(h)ness

For those I journey alongside in the therapy room, there is a common thread surrounding their troublesome stories and deep sense of abiding loneliness. For example, in regards to a husband’s sexual abuse growing up, I ask him, “Have you ever told your wife about this?” He replies, (with his head slumped down in shame), “No, I never have.” I ask a pastor, “Have you ever told your leadership about your struggle with addiction?” He replies “No, I never have.” I ask a sailor, “Have you ever told one of your fellow sailors about your desire for connection?” He replies, “No way, they will think I am weak.” I ask a wife, “Have you told anyone about your anxiety and panic attacks?” She replies, “No, I haven’t.” It becomes clear that all of the people above who reported both their struggles and their loneliness were without a wit(h)ness.

We are wired to connect. We are wired to belong. We are wired to be known. From the cradle to the grave, from birth to earth, and from the womb to the tomb to the place beyond the moon, we are meant to be in intimate relationships with others. To the degree that we have shame-filled secrets and are without intimacy (sic, "in-too-me-see") is the degree that we might be lonely and soul-sick.

If you are plagued by loneliness, I encourage you to allow at least one person into your haunted house. Let someone you trust into your painful and embodied stories of abuse, trauma, or struggles with everyday life. Take a risk and share your battles with addiction, parenting, relationships, singleness, God, or whatever keeps you up at night and down during the day. You might have learned long ago that people are scary, that they could hurt and reject you. I get it. But there lies the paradox. It could very well be that people from the past have been part of the root cause of your loneliness, however, the consistent compassionate wit(h)ness of people can become a catalyst for tremendous healing and growth.

For those who value spirituality, one of the most powerful wit(h)nesses can be with God. The psalmist writes in Psalm 42:1-2,

“As the deer pants for the water brooks,

so my soul pants for Thee, O God.

My soul thirsts for God,

for the living God.”

Sometimes there are aches and thirsts, which only God can soothe and quench. Dare to take a risk. In the silence, in the darkness, cry out to God, thrusting your aching heart onto the altar of grace and see what unfolds.

Embrace Your Loneliness

Asking you to to embrace loneliness might seem like an odd suggestion. Let me share with you what I mean. I find that most of us do not want to enter into our loneliness. As a matter of fact, we do everything we can to avoid our loneliness. Some shop till they drop, some work overtime, some watch porn, some use religion, some smoke pot, and some go on websites attacking and criticizing other’s views, all to avoid their loneliness. The activities one can engage in to avoid their inner ache of loneliness are endless.

Although the natural impulse is to run away from the pain of loneliness, the beautifully dangerous and paradoxical task is to enter into it more fully. While connecting deeply with others in the midst of your loneliness can be transformative, engaging in solitude and spelunking into the dark cavern of loneliness can become an alternative site of apocalyptic salvation. Sitting in silence, allowing yourself to feel every nuance of loneliness throughout your body, and allowing yourself to come into contact with the accompanying thoughts that have been buried underneath the pain, enables you to transform the experience. Although there are no guarantees, what began as a dark and scary endeavor can end in hope and become full of liberative insights.

Conclusion

Loneliness is not something we can ever get rid of or alleviate entirely, it is only something that we must tend and befriend when it appears. When loneliness arises we can either bring it forth to the dark light of solitude or to the warm embrace of loving others. When we do, healing and transformation become possible.

Reference

Cacioppo, John T., and William Patrick. Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social

Connection. New York: W.W. Norton &, 2008.

A Faith Regained: The Agony of Unbelief, Christian Atheism, and the Music that Stills Rings in the Soul of Despair

"When I think about [my] atheist friends, including my father, they seem to me like

people who have no ear for music... who have never been in love. It is not that (as

they believe) they have rumbled the tremendous fraud of religion - prophets do that

in every generation. Rather, these unbelievers are simply missing out on

something [only gained by faith]..." - A.N. Wilson

A Faith Regained: The Agony of Unbelief, Christian Atheism,

and Music that Stills Rings in the Soul of Despair

by R.E. Slater

For a believer God will sometimes be doubted. Perhaps strongly so. Or, perhaps the religious system one was raised within when specious arguments no longer enamour the soul but grind it to dust. One of the first things for me in my late twenties was realizing how critical my Baptist heritage had become of not only the "world" we lived in but of fellow Christians "different from us" in their doctrines and creeds, church styles, and behaviors. It took my usually happy spirit and made me cynical and I didn't like its affects upon my missional witness or Christian attitudes.

Another area that slowly came to stand out was regarding the Bible versus the "science of evolution." The entirety of my early Christian training in high school and college came from a creational understanding of Genesis. I had dutifully gone to the Henry M. Morris Creationist's conferences, read and studied the Institute for Creation Research books, and listened for years and years to Christian preaching against evolution. Finally, after much persuasion I had become convinced that there was still doubt in my heart concerning the whole affair and it wasn't until my late-40s when my young family and I visited Alberta's Royal Tyrrell Dinosaur Museum in the Badlands that I came to understand that my doubt needed educating and nurturing. Hence the many, many articles on this website here correcting my Christian misunderstanding of evolution beginning with the evolutionary scientist Charles Darwin himself who was also a Christian in search of God's truth in the rocks and anatomies of the earth. A naturalist who struggled to credibly interpret God's special creation by a remarkable (I would say, miraculous) process he came to name evolution. A science searching for neutrality but for myself as a Christian never a science without witness to God's miraculous creation of the cosmos we live in.

As you can tell I came from a very strong, conservative fundamental and later, evangelical (which I considered "heretical" at the time! haha) tradition. It took many decades of bible study, prayer, and finally a "fall from heaven" as it were, for my Christianized spirit to become open to the possibilities of the broader truths of God's revelation through the Bible, and His creation for me to understand that my last calling in life may be that of a prophet to my own countrymen. For, as we all know, a prophet comes to challenge the dark soul of not only its own faith, but the faith of others as well, when led astray of the veracites of God and the Bible. Who advocates as much for an "unbelief" and repentance to one's religious system in order to gain back "the God of belief" in truer perspective and form.

And this I have done to the dismay of my family and friends who would challenged my doubt and double-down in their own absurdities of the Christian faith. And yet, I have remained strong and compassionate in these visceral matters of deconstructing the God of my faith - even my very own soul by the power of the Holy Spirit - in order to finding a broader reconstruction of God and His truths which were meant to be told beyond the modernistic "devolution" of my own past Christian faith. It became a path as full of darkness and wind as any of the Old Testament prophets experienced as they rang the clarion bells for rebellion against the "people's faith" and the "temple's teaching" as the Day of the Lord grew in proportion to the sin growing in the lands of Israel and Judah. Which is no different from any age of the church since Jesus' resurrection as God's people have struggled to rightly interpret God's truths without losing sight of His love and missional outreach to the world of mankind.

And so, let's talk about the world of unbelief for a moment. A world where many a Christian soul has entered most willingly when become disillusioned with their own Christian faith. An a/theistic world for many which has become a place of sanctuary and repose against the roaring in their ears of the evil and absurdities they see being dispelled throughout the auspicies of the holy church. For myself, I can't say I have ever reached this point of total disbelief in God even when held in the deepest pits of despair and anguish. But it has also been in that place of darkness and agitation that I have come to strongly appreciate why people reject all testimonies of the church and its teachings to go and live in a foreign land of unbelief, agony, and despair. My sympathies go with you dear friends.

But it is my call to those who read this blog today that unbelief is a place where God can still be found, and a life rebuilt, in happiness and peace, without leaving the foundations of one's youth. That God may be found even in the hells we live through or the torments which wear out our spirit of faith and hope. A God whose love is strong and compassionate and full of grace especially to those who would love Him too well, too dearly, too highly. That God is no further away from us in our unbelief than He was in our belief... and perhaps more near to those of His children in agony over the rags of their former Christian belief and the harm they have seen within its need for repair from its addictions and blindness to truth and love.

Yeah, to those Christian atheists who are my brothers and sisters I call you back to faith. Back to the hard years of rebuilding, reconstruction, renewal, and reclamation leading to redemption's resurrection. And back to considering how the Christian faith is special in all its vernaculars. To reclaim it by broadening its vision of Christ's gospel beyond the dogmas and creeds of the church where it especially needs to be broadened and re-envisioned. At the last, it is left to the prophets of God's children amongst us to reclaim the Christian faith as it was meant to be lived. Not by strong argument and criticism but by its doubts, pains and sufferings, and disappointments as a fellowship in love with those both inside and outside its holy see (temple). This then is the task of the new Christian church. A task to rebuild from the ruins of a faith made ruinous by the dogs and heathen within its holy faith. Let us do this miraculous task together as special creations of the Lord.

Peace,

R.E. Slater

June 12, 2016
edited June 13, 2016

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A N Wilson: Why I believe again

http://www.newstatesman.com/religion/2009/04/conversion-experience-atheism

by A.N. Wilson

April 2, 2009

A N Wilson writes on how his conversion to atheism may have been similar to a

"road to Damascus" experience but his return to faith has been slow and doubting.

y nature a doubting Thomas, I should have distrusted the symptoms when I underwent a "conversion experience" 20 years ago. Something was happening which was out of character - the inner glow of complete certainty, the heady sense of being at one with the great tide of fellow non-believers. For my conversion experience was to atheism. There were several moments of epiphany, actually, but one of the most dramatic occurred in the pulpit of a church.

At St Mary-le-Bow in the City of London, there are two pulpits, and for some decades they have been used for lunchtime dialogues. I had just published a biography of C S Lewis, and the rector of St Mary-le-Bow, Victor Stock, asked me to participate in one such exchange of views.

Memory edits, and perhaps distorts, the highlights of the discussion. Memory says that while Father Stock was asking me about Lewis, I began to "testify", denouncing Lewis's muscular defence of religious belief. Much more to my taste, I said, had been the approach of the late Archbishop of Canterbury Michael Ramsey, whose biography I had just read.

A young priest had been to see him in great distress, saying that he had lost his faith in God. Ramsey's reply was a long silence followed by a repetition of the mantra "It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter". He told the priest to continue to worship Jesus in the Sacraments and that faith would return. "But!" exclaimed Father Stock. "That priest was me!"

Like many things said by this amusing man, it brought the house down. But something had taken a grip of me, and I was thinking (did I say it out loud?): "It bloody well does matter. Just struggling on like Lord Tennyson ('and faintly trust the larger hope') is no good at all . . ."

I can remember almost yelling that reading C S Lewis's Mere Christianity made me a non-believer - not just in Lewis's version of Christianity, but in Christianity itself. On that occasion, I realised that after a lifetime of churchgoing, the whole house of cards had collapsed for me - the sense of God's presence in life, and the notion that there was any kind of God, let alone a merciful God, in this brutal, nasty world. As for Jesus having been the founder of Christianity, this idea seemed perfectly preposterous. In so far as we can discern anything about Jesus from the existing documents, he believed that the world was about to end, as did all the first Christians. So, how could he possibly have intended to start a new religion for Gentiles, let alone established a Church or instituted the Sacraments? It was a nonsense, together with the idea of a personal God, or a loving God in a suffering universe. Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense.

It was such a relief to discard it all that, for months, I walked on air. At about this time, the Independent on Sunday sent me to interview Dr Billy Graham, who was conducting a mission in Syracuse, New York State, prior to making one of his journeys to England. The pattern of these meetings was always the same. The old matinee idol spoke. The gospel choir sang some suitably affecting ditty, and then the converted made their way down the aisles to commit themselves to the new faith. Part of the glow was, surely, the knowledge that they were now part of a great fellowship of believers.

As a hesitant, doubting, religious man I'd never known how they felt. But, as a born-again atheist, I now knew exactly what satisfactions were on offer. For the first time in my 38 years I was at one with my own generation. I had become like one of the Billy Grahamites, only in reverse. If I bumped into Richard Dawkins (an old colleague from Oxford days) or had dinner in Washington with Christopher Hitchens (as I did either on that trip to interview Billy Graham or another), I did not have to feel out on a limb. Hitchens was excited to greet a new convert to his non-creed and put me through a catechism before uncorking some stupendous claret. "So - absolutely no God?" "Nope," I was able to say with Moonie-zeal. "No future life, nothing 'out there'?" "No," I obediently replied. At last! I could join in the creed shared by so many (most?) of my intelligent contemporaries in the western world - that men and women are purely material beings (whatever that is supposed to mean), that "this is all there is" (ditto), that God, Jesus and religion are a load of baloney: and worse than that, the cause of much (no, come on, let yourself go), most (why stint yourself - go for it, man), all the trouble in the world, from Jerusalem to Belfast, from Washington to Islamabad.

My doubting temperament, however, made me a very unconvincing atheist. And unconvinced. My hilarious Camden Town neighbour Colin Haycraft, the boss of Duckworth and husband of Alice Thomas Ellis, used to say, "I do wish Freddie [Ayer] wouldn't go round calling himself an atheist. It implies he takes religion seriously."

This creed that religion can be despatched in a few brisk arguments (outlined in David Hume's masterly Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion) and then laughed off kept me going for some years. When I found myself wavering, I would return to Hume in order to pull myself together, rather as a Catholic having doubts might return to the shrine of a particular saint to sustain them while the springs of faith ran dry.

But religion, once the glow of conversion had worn off, was not a matter of argument alone. It involves the whole person. Therefore I was drawn, over and over again, to the disconcerting recognition that so very many of the people I had most admired and loved, either in life or in books, had been believers. Reading Louis Fischer's Life of Mahatma Gandhi, and following it up with Gandhi's own autobiography, The Story of My Experiments With Truth, I found it impossible not to realise that all life, all being, derives from God, as Gandhi gave his life to demonstrate. Of course, there are arguments that might make you doubt the love of God. But a life like Gandhi's, which was focused on God so deeply, reminded me of all the human qualities that have to be denied if you embrace the bleak, muddled creed of a materialist atheist. It is a bit like trying to assert that music is an aberration, and that although Bach and Beethoven are very impressive, one is better off without a musical sense. Attractive and amusing as David Hume was, did he confront the complexities of human existence as deeply as his contemporary Samuel Johnson, and did I really find him as interesting?

Watching a whole cluster of friends, and my own mother, die over quite a short space of time convinced me that purely materialist "explanations" for our mysterious human existence simply won't do - on an intellectual level. The phenomenon of language alone should give us pause. A materialist Darwinian was having dinner with me a few years ago and we laughingly alluded to how, as years go by, one forgets names. Eager, as committed Darwinians often are, to testify on any occasion, my friend asserted: "It is because when we were simply anthropoid apes, there was no need to distinguish between one another by giving names."

This credal confession struck me as just as superstitious as believing in the historicity of Noah's Ark. More so, really.

Do materialists really think that language just "evolved", like finches' beaks, or have they simply never thought about the matter rationally? Where's the evidence? How could it come about that human beings all agreed that particular grunts carried particular connotations? How could it have come about that groups of anthropoid apes developed the amazing morphological complexity of a single sentence, let alone the whole grammatical mystery which has engaged Chomsky and others in our lifetime and linguists for time out of mind? No, the existence of language is one of the many phenomena - of which love and music are the two strongest - which suggest that human beings are very much more than collections of meat. They convince me that we are spiritual beings, and that the religion of the incarnation, asserting that God made humanity in His image, and continually restores humanity in His image, is simply true. As a working blueprint for life, as a template against which to measure experience, it fits.

For a few years, I resisted the admission that my atheist-conversion experience had been a bit of middle-aged madness. I do not find it easy to articulate thoughts about religion. I remain the sort of person who turns off Thought for the Day when it comes on the radio. I am shy to admit that I have followed the advice given all those years ago by a wise archbishop to a bewildered young man: that moments of unbelief "don't matter", that if you return to a practice of the faith, faith will return.

When I think about atheist friends, including my father, they seem to me like people who have no ear for music, or who have never been in love. It is not that (as they believe) they have rumbled the tremendous fraud of religion - prophets do that in every generation. Rather, these unbelievers are simply missing out on something that is not difficult to grasp. Perhaps it is too obvious to understand; obvious, as lovers feel it was obvious that they should have come together, or obvious as the final resolution of a fugue.

I haven't mentioned morality, but one thing that finally put the tin hat on any aspirations to be an unbeliever was writing a book about the Wagner family and Nazi Germany, and realising how utterly incoherent were Hitler's neo-Darwinian ravings, and how potent was the opposition, much of it from Christians; paid for, not with clear intellectual victory, but in blood. Read Pastor Bonhoeffer's book Ethics, and ask yourself what sort of mad world is created by those who think that ethics are a purely human construct. Think of Bonhoeffer's serenity before he was hanged, even though he was in love and had everything to look forward to.

My departure from the Faith was like a conversion on the road to Damascus. My return was slow, hesitant, doubting. So it will always be; but I know I shall never make the same mistake again. Gilbert Ryle, with donnish absurdity, called God "a category mistake". Yet the real category mistake made by atheists is not about God, but about human beings. Turn to the Table Talk of Samuel Taylor Coleridge - "Read the first chapter of Genesis without prejudice and you will be convinced at once . . . 'The Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life'." And then Coleridge adds: "'And man became a living soul.' Materialism will never explain those last words."