Reflecting on Shame, Part 1

Reflecting on Shame

Part 1

by R.E. Slater & ChatGPT

ref. Wikipedia's Series on Emotions

Many years ago when I was a young man I received two prestigious awards to attend either a military college or a high ranking university at no cost. The former came by Congressional appointment and the latter by way of an academic scholarship which also included room and board.

I chose the university and for several years studied engineering, math and science while filling in my electives with 3 years of Attic Greek, the humanities, ancient world history, computer science, and psychology-sociology classes. When not studying I faithfully attended Campus Crusade for Christ and a local fundamental IFCA church led by a very zealous Jewish pastor from South Africa. I also played several intramural sports - one of which was good enough to get to the quarter finals; and on the weekends went to the football games and played basketball.

Because I was a high achiever and was also versatile in my abilities I had unintentionally created the public perception of being a standout student with bright prospects in any field I chose. However, there was a hidden timebomb which neither I nor my family saw coming. I was not personally prepared to face a drastically new culture nor the questions it was asking of my earnest Christian faith.

Culturally, I had grown up on a farm in the country where family more than friends were my experience. I had attended a little one-room schoolhouse from Kindergarten to fifth grade which was later absorbed into a sprawling public school system in our region. I adapted to this new environment but did not adjust to it's modernal attitudes. Similarly, the university system held many new cultural experiences which I adapted to but never accepted it's foundational claims to my life. Thus, there were growing internal conflicts lying latent and unresolved.

This also meant that the Christian faith of my youth was unprepared to answer the challenges presented to it as I learned how the world work beyond what I thought I knew of it. For three years I faced these mounting challenges, adjusting where I could, until finally I lost all interest in my education and decided to leave. When I did my little world blew up and my life-altering choices would leave me to face a deep shame for stepping out of my prestigious scholarship.

My family took this very hard and refused to understand my personal turmoil. Not knowing what to do, nor having any one to turn to for advice, I chose a small Christian college to complete my undergraduate studies majoring in psychology and minoring in bible. This led to a one year teaching stint at an out-of-state high school and back home into a four year Master of Divinity graduate program where I majored in New Testament studies and minored in pastoral accreditation. This also included four concentrated years of ministerial internships at a local church where I applied myself to a half-dozen areas from children's ministries to adult ministries, outreach programs, evangelism, worship ministries, and youth.

Frankly, I was exhausted by the time I graduated and yet, the personal shame of my earlier choice to leave university would continue to haunt every action I took over the years to come. Regrettably, I had internalized my family's emotional reaction and allowed it to reside for too many years about my heart and spirit. Like Paul Bunyan's youthful "Pilgrim" who left the City of Destruction for the Lord's Celestial City, my spiritual quest would be a series of "sloughs" requiring overcoming on the long road to Christian life and spiritual growth. It would never be easy.

Here then, with ChatGPT's help and a recent sermon I heard is my surmise on the subject of shame. Because many of my years have approached life through classical theology I wanted to compare it's possible answers with how I might now reply using process-based (processual) theology. For me, process-based thinking has been the long-answer which I was searching for in my youth. But it's solution has only recently been unhidden and brought into the public airs from it's over-long philosophical slumber under Whitehead.

R.E. Slater

May 26, 2025

 Here is my discussion with Chat GPT...

RES

What is "shame" and how might one deal with it in processual terms?

ChatGPT

• Shame is a deeply uncomfortable emotion arising from the perception that one has violated social norms, personal standards, or moral expectations — leading to a negative judgment of the self ("I am bad" rather than "I did something bad").

• It often involves feelings of worthlessness, exposure, and the desire to hide or disappear.

Definition:

Shame is the painful emotion caused by a consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety, often linked to i) how others perceive us or ii) how we perceive ourselves failing to meet expected standards.

---

Examples of Shame:

1. Social Exposure:
   A child wets themselves at school. When classmates laugh, the child feels shame—not just for the act, but because their dignity has been exposed.

2. Moral Failure:
   A person cheats on their partner and is later confronted. Even before being caught, they may feel shame—not just guilt for the act but a sense of being a bad person.

3. Public Humiliation:
   An employee is harshly scolded by their boss in front of coworkers. The employee may feel deep shame, wanting to leave the room and avoid further contact.

4. Cultural or Familial Judgment:
   Someone who chooses a different career or lifestyle than their traditional family expects may feel shame for disappointing them, even if they believe they did nothing wrong.

5. Internalized Shame:
   A person who grew up being told they were "worthless" may carry shame into adulthood, believing they are fundamentally flawed even without a specific triggering event.

---

ChatGPT

Would you like a comparison with guilt, embarrassment, or humiliation to clarify the distinctions?

RES

Yes

ChatGPT

Here’s a clear comparison chart to help distinguish shame, guilt, embarrassment, and humiliation:

Emotion	Definition	Focus	Example
Shame	A painful feeling that the self is flawed, inferior, or bad	Self	"I am a terrible person for failing publicly."
Guilt	A remorseful feeling for a specific action that harmed others or violated values	Behavior	"I feel bad that I lied to my friend."
Embarrassment	A mild discomfort or awkwardness in social situations, usually short-lived	Situation	"I tripped in front of everyone—how embarrassing!"
Humiliation	A degrading experience imposed by others that makes one feel powerless or belittled	Public            degradation	"I was mocked by my boss in front of the team—I felt utterly humiliated."

---

Summary Differences:

• Shame says: “I am bad.”

• Guilt says: “I did something bad.”

• Embarrassment says: “This is awkward, but it will pass.”

• Humiliation says: “I’ve been made to feel small or worthless—especially in public.”

ChatGPT

Would you like to see how process philosophy might interpret or reframe these emotions?

RES

Not yet. How would classic theism view and handle shame?

ChatGPT

In classical theism (e.g., within traditional Christian, Islamic, and Jewish theology), shame is often understood as a consequence of sin—a sign of having fallen short of God's holiness, moral law, or divine design. It is both a spiritual and moral emotion tied to the awareness of one's unworthiness before God.

---

1. Theological View of Shame:

Aspect	Classical Theism Viewpoint
Origin	Shame entered human experience after the Fall (Genesis 3:7–10), when Adam and Eve became aware of their nakedness and tried to hide from God.
Nature	Shame is the internal witness of a defiled conscience or disobedience to God's will. It reflects the soul's awareness of being out of alignment with divine righteousness.
Purpose	To convict the heart, lead to repentance, and drive the person back toward God.
Handling Shame	Through confession, repentance, divine forgiveness, and restoration into relationship with God.
Ultimate Healing	In Christian theology, healing from shame comes through Christ's atonement—clothing believers in righteousness and removing their shame before God.

---

2. Biblical Example:

• Genesis 3:7–10 – After eating the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve "knew they were naked," sewed fig leaves, and hid from God. Their shame reflects a sudden awareness of moral failure and spiritual nakedness.

• Psalm 32:5 – "Then I acknowledged my sin to you... and you forgave the guilt of my sin."
  (Shame is lifted through confession and God's mercy.)

• Isaiah 61:7 – "Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion..."
  (God redeems the shamed and restores honor.)

• Hebrews 12:2 – Jesus “endured the cross, scorning its shame...”
  (In classical Christian thought, Jesus bore humanity’s shame on the cross to restore our dignity before God.)

---

Key Ideas in Classical Theism:

• God is holy and humans are fallen. Shame is the soul's echo of this gap.

• Shame is not inherently evil but can be a signpost toward grace and renewal.

• Grace covers shame: in classical Christian theology, God's love and forgiveness remove shame and restore the person’s identity as beloved.

---

ChatGPT

Would you like to now compare this with process theology’s more relational and dynamic take on shame?

RES

Yes. Very much.

ChatGPT

In process theology (especially in the Whiteheadian tradition), shame is NOT primarily a result of legal guilt or metaphysical fallenness but is instead understood as a relational disruption—a rupture in the dynamic harmony between the self, others, and God as the loving lure toward creative transformation.

---

1. Core Framework: Process Theology on Shame

Aspect	Process Theology Viewpoint
Origin	Shame arises from the breakdown of relational integrity, especially when one’s actual experience falls short of one’s subjective aim or communal ideals.
Nature	Shame is the felt recognition of dissonance within the web of becoming—where one perceives oneself as misaligned with the call toward beauty, truth, and mutual flourishing.
God’s Role	God does not impose shame. Rather, God feels our suffering, absorbs it into the divine experience, and gently lures us toward healing and transformation.
Purpose	Shame, while painful, signals a moment of decision: an invitation to reconstruct meaning, restore relationship, and rejoin the process of becoming more whole.
Healing	Healing comes through empathetic presence, communal reweaving, creative expression, and divine companionship—not through punishment or legal pardon.

---

2. Key Contrasts with Classical Theism

Theme	Classical Theism	Process Theology
View of Sin	Violation of God’s moral law	Misalignment with relational and creative aims
View of Shame	Evidence of guilt and separation from God	Felt rupture in self-identity and relational process
Divine Response	Forgiveness through atonement	Divine empathy, presence, and invitation to novelty
Goal of Healing	Justification and restoration of status	Relational repair and emergence of a new harmony

---

3. Examples in a Process View:

• A person feels shame after acting in anger toward a loved one.
  In process terms: this is not a condemnation by God, but an inward recognition that they’ve acted against the possibilities of love and mutual becoming. God, as the initial aim, continues to call gently towards reconciliation and growth.

• A person feels shame for not fulfilling their potential.
  Process theology sees this not as moral failure but as a moment of grief and reorientation—where divine luring still works creatively with what is possible from that moment forward.

---

4. Poetic Process Statement on Shame:

Shame is not God’s finger pointing, but the echo of a broken song—

and even there, the Divine Composer hums new harmonies drawing us home.

---

ChatGPT

Would you like a side-by-side chart of classical vs process theological views of shame for clarity?

RES

Yes.

ChatGPT

Here is a side-by-side comparison chart of Shame in Classical Theism vs. Process Theology:

---

Theme	Classical Theism	Process Theology
Definition of Shame	A painful awareness of having sinned—falling short of God's holiness and moral law.	A felt rupture in relational becoming—disharmony with one’s best possibilities.
Root Cause	Sin, disobedience, moral failure before a holy God.	Disconnection from love, creativity, or the relational flow of life.
View of God	Transcendent, holy, judge of sin and restorer through mercy.	Immanent-relational, loving lure toward healing and transformation.
God’s Response	Convicts the soul, offers forgiveness through grace or atonement.	Feels our pain, absorbs it, and gently offers a new aim for becoming.
Human Experience	Unworthiness before God, need for repentance, hiding.	Sadness at dissonance, but also openness to change and reintegration.
Purpose of Shame	To lead to confession, repentance, and return to divine favor.	To signal the opportunity to reweave wholeness and realign with becoming.
Means of Healing	Justification, absolution, and spiritual renewal through divine pardon.	Mutual healing, creative transformation, divine companionship, and restorative acts.
View of Atonement	Christ bears our shame and guilt to restore us before God.	Christ embodies the process of redemptive relational transformation.
Moral Emphasis	Holiness, obedience, moral integrity.	Creative responsiveness, compassionate relatedness, co-becoming.
Key Image	Adam and Eve hiding in shame, needing covering.	God walking with the ashamed, co-experiencing pain, whispering possibilities.

ChatGPT

Would you like a visual diagram or Whiteheadian metaphysical framing of shame’s process (e.g. subjective aim, concrescence, rupture, renewal)?

RES

Yes, the latter, please...

ChatGPT

Here is a Whiteheadian metaphysical framing of shame within the process of concrescence, using key concepts like prehension, subjective aim, and rupture/healing in becoming:

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Shame in Whiteheadian Process Metaphysics

1. Initial Situation – The Becoming Self

Every actual occasion (or moment of experience):

• Begins with a subjective aim: the divine lure toward the most harmonious, beautiful, and relationally rich becoming.

• Integrates prehensions: feelings, data, emotions, and experiences inherited from both past and environment.

The self is always in process, reaching toward a creative ideal (value-realization).

---

2. Disruption – The Emergence of Shame

When an occasion concresces (comes into being) in a way that:

• Conflicts with its subjective aim,

• Or realizes less than its ideal potential,

• Or becomes misaligned with community, beauty, or truth,

then the subject may prehend this misalignment negatively in future occasions.

This negative prehension registers as shame:

• A self-awareness of discord,

• A painful contrast between what could have been and what became,

• And a feeling of isolation from the relational harmony one sought.

---

3. God's Role – The Persistent Divine Lure

In Whitehead’s framework:

• God is not the punisher but the ever-present initial aim—offering new creative possibilities in every moment.

• God feels our feelings (prehends our pain) and weaves even our shame into the divine experience.

• In the next moment, God offers a new aim: a way to heal, reconnect, and become again.

Shame is not final—it is an ingredient in a richer process, calling forth beauty from brokenness.

---

4. Transformation – Healing Through Novelty

If the self responds to this lure:

• A new concrescence arises: one that transcends the rupture, includes the past shame, and realizes a higher form of relational becoming.

• This is not a return to innocence but a creative advance:
  shame becomes compost for deeper integrity.

---

Diagram of the Shame-Transformation Process:

[Past Actual World]
        ↓
   Prehensions (Data, Feeling, Memory)
        ↓
  Subjective Aim (God's Lure Toward Harmony)
        ↓
   ↓ Concrescence ↓

[Misalignment occurs]

   → Shame (Negative Prehension)
        ↓

[Divine Empathy + New Initial Aim]
        ↓

[Creative Response]
        ↓

[Healing Concrescence + Novelty]

---

Poetic Summary:

Shame is not the grave of the soul—

but a bend in the river of becoming.

God does not turn away, but turns us gently

toward a better horizon still unfolding.

~  Continue to Reflecting on Shame, Part 2  ~